Tired

Worked 6 days, drove to KL, attended 2 day course, drive back. Work 5 more days.
Thank goodness this week is revision, not so stressful.
Sunday please come fast. I love you Sunday.
Somehow I know I will miss this kind of life very very soon.

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Attended the music workshop for kids. Many moments I thought of Enze, of his rambles which were related to the topics discussed. I missed him there and then. After that I ranted about my boss and exclaimed how glad I am to leave the school, but there and then I missed the children. I felt like crying. I don't wanna leave. =(

Haze

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Took myself out for a nice dinner.have been trapped indoors sure to haze. Kids are bored, so is teacher. Nothing beats going to the playground and run like crazy inhaling lots of air even if you choke on it ok.

So it was a quiet dinner. With pencil and paper for scribbling and a phone got sudoku. Lots of me-time in the quiet restaurant on a slow Tuesday evening.

Break.

Meanwhile. This is a cute music video. =)

Update

The phlegm is growing larger in volume, but nothing to call a flu. And they still enjoy getting stuck to the tonsils. *roll eyes*

The rash on the leg has grown a little over night, but the small patch on the hand remained the same size.

The newly injected bum hurts so much! I actually iced it last night cuz I read online that it would help with the ache. But gosh, it just made it worse.

I can swallow barely feeling anything!!! OMG! And The fever is gone I think? No thanks to the ill functioning thermometer. Phlegm?Rash?Bum? Let it be! I'm getting well!!!

꼭 잘 됄거야

tomorrow is going to be a fever-and-rash free day!

Jabs

Today is the 2nd jab.

Woke up feeling good, no shivering or feeling hot. But I did feel hot all night long and squirmed in the air-conditioned room. I was so hot all night, lying next to my sis who was wrapped up tight in her blanket. =S

No fever all day, took paracetamol 6 hours apart and no problemo =)

I took a nap around noon, snored so loud I woke myself. Grrr. Even continued snoring when I woke up, haha, I imagined my tonsils dangling in my throat in the funkiest way trying to block the airway. Teehee.

Went to the doctor and the doctor checked and said it's getting better. The tonsils I mean. I can see that the airway is much more visible and wide too, which is a great sign. The jab continues because there's still slight fever (but I didn't feel it) at 37.2degrees.

Doctor said if there's no fever tomorrow I can be saved from the needle! Hooray! Keep fingers crossed that no fever is coming any more tonight.

Sleep can be scary, it allows bad dreams and evil fever creep in...

Review

Yesterday

Went for review. Doc said the tonsils don't stop hurting so soon, but it seems it got worse, plus the fever that was supposed to be gone the day before the review, is still there.

So he said, need injection, or go hospital to get drip until the fever goes away. I is so scared I tell you, both options are no good. But I chose the lesser of both evils la.

Dad has been proven right, he's been 'cursing' me to get injected since day 1. When we got back and he got the news he was so proud that he was right that I needed injection. =S

Then to my horror, he told me, injection must be done for at least 3 days in a row. Walao eh. One injection is scaring shit out of me, 3?! I braved myself to lie down awkwardly, changed a few positions, because I have no memory of how an injection is done, but the nurse helped me, but it was embarrassing.

Anyways, the shot was not so painful, but I kept controlling my breathing because I remember out lecturer once said if you cannot control your mental fear, control the physical symptoms of it like slow down breathing, etc. Psychology rocks man!

I was feeling a little dizzy due to fever at the visit, but I think the doc said if it doesn't get better need to surgically remove the tonsils. Oh. Mee. Gawd!!! I is so scared now.

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At night the bum feels a little weird. In the morning when I woke up it sores.... Google says it's like that. Sigh, thank goodness for the MC, or how would I work without being able to sit...

I woke up without fever today, which is a good sign!

Tonsillitis

Saturday

cold-sleep

sweat-wake up

was waiting for the brother to come back from church to buy me 100plus. WTH forgotten he went to Oregon.....................

Sunday, Monday

cold-sleep

sweat-wake up

times up- take drugs

tonsils are torturing: eating, drinking and swallowing at the most careful pace ever

increasing chokes on my saliva

Tuesday

increased dosage of drugs

no more shivering or sweating

occasional emergency runs to the toilet to bomb some loose stools

tonsils are slightly better: more tolerable to swallow

a 2.5 times stretched weekend, full of shivering, sweating, drama watching, drugs and all, one more day tomorrow and I can go to work! Yoohoo! The internet says it takes 1 to 3 weeks to recover, but thank goodness for the effectiveness of the huge antibiotics! *popi* *popi*

Extended weekend is great, but 5 days of weekend knowing that the world is running in its wild pace while I 'die' here is not awesome!

Actually, I think a 5 day weekend going outdoor/ having non-soft-food/ having healthy body would be much better. I guess the sickness really took the fun away. I've enjoyed the break, but being at work would be much nicer than being sick at home. Even though it was nice the entire family went to the clinic with me. *warm*

Church

It's been a long time since I went to church, or thought of ever going again. Until last week I joined a friend's cell group, and yesterday joined the bro's youth fellowship. Both meetings were rather serious and deep (in terms of sharing), but I learned something from each meeting.

It got me thinking why I left and stopped. Perhaps it was due to the pressure to convert from the church-goers, perhaps it was because I didn't want to commit. Then I remembered, how heart broken people were when they fought over the religion during the funeral. Then I remembered, how I didn't like the Church goers condemning other religions and also people from other 'branches' of their own religion. Then I remembered the speaking in tongues, which the more I hear the faker it seemed. But then who am I to judge?

They told me to try to pray, challenge God to reveal himself and his power. I tried praying, in a rather un-believing self-talk kinda way. I prayed that my friend who went missing will be found, but not on the condition that I will believe, for I dare not commit. I prayed for those who asked for it. I said to God (if existent), that why do we need to pray aloud when you're all around and know what we're thinking? You can just give us what you plan to, why do we pray when you already know what we want, and already have a plan. Do you only give to people who asks for it aloud? Do you give to people who only asks for it, but not those who want but not ask for it? What's the point of asking if you already have plans? It's a rather oxymoron kinda behavior, at least in that moment it seemed so.

I don't know, perhaps I wasn't listening with an open mind. I listened and understood the logic and accepted the teaching, but still refused to believe. Perhaps I need to go a few more times to be brainwashed. But do I want to be brainwashed and believe? I used to know that I'm weak and whatever not and is too stubborn to ask for people' help even when I'm in need. He said to ask for help, for greater help for not everything we can do it on our own effort. It's true, I used to know that, but it's been a long time since I felt that way.

We'll see.

Eyelid

I have a guy friend who had small eyes. He went for the double eye-lid surgery about 5 years ago. I saw him once or twice after that, his eyes did became much wider.

I just checked his photos out in FB a moment earlier, and realized, hmm, it shrunk. YY! See, can shrink back to half size one. LOL!

Being a Teacher

I remember the first few days I was here the boys were fighting.
After the Therapeutic Play course I was really insensitive to violence. The boys fought and I just let them, until someone bleed and he came whining to me, "Teacher, look! He hit me and I'm bleeding!"
I dully replied, "That's what happens when you choose to fight. You're the one who wanted to fight, don't come crying to me when you get hurt." I was sticking really close to the principle of 'let the child suffer the natural consequences of his behavior' WTH.

So the next day the principal had a talk with me. I don't know if she saw it or just wanted to remind me. She said, we should teach the children to play nice and don't let them do violent things, play violent acts and all.

This reminded me that I'm no therapeutic play agent in the school, I'm a teacher and I'm supposed to teach the children how they're supposed to behave and be. I can't tolerate socially undesirable behaviors like fighting or jumping off the chairs, I have to make them conform to the society's expectations, know the vocabularies, know the ABCs, good table manners, sit still, eat faster, eat more, say 'please' and 'thank you' and 'excuse me', learn the rules, play nice, .....

Happie

I guess I can say I'm happy now. Though some people gave me that "huh-are-you-seriously-doing-such-a-job" look and asks me if this is a part time or permanent job when I tell that I got this job, I'm doing what I've always wanted to do. I'm not doing very well yet, still learning and changing and experimenting...

I heard what Wendy said last night, and thought of a few people I know. They're earning bigger bucks than I am, but they're not happy. Just like the many who fall into the same trap, they go for the money instead of the passion. Perhaps some haven't found their passion at first but when they realize the job is not for them they're afraid to change, for change is stressful. I hope for them to find their passion and go for it, for when work is something one enjoys doing so much, not only it becomes the so called career, it is not work anymore. It's like doing whatever one love so much everyday, never get sick of it and get paid for it even.

Mum used to tell me that success is not measured by how much you earn, but doing what you enjoy and being happy. When she told me to try working in a factory I was confused, for she is always right. Perhaps this sounds silly, but I was afraid that if I don't listen to her I would regret it, or she wouldn't support me. But I've learned that parents are not always right. She's not wrong, but at that period of time, I knew better what I wanted. I decided to go for it and decided not to regret it no matter what. I'm glad I decided for myself and I'm glad that she supports me.

Sick

I was sick, since Thursday I think. Last night it got really bad, the nose runny, and pain in the bones. Imagine the muscle aches the next day you've ran a marathon, assuming that you're not an exercise-ish person, and imagine that pain in the skull, jaw bone, ribs and heart.

I really thought I was dying. Thank goodness it went away in the morning.

Slogans

For the past 3 years I've been studying the course with the slogan that goes:
Understanding Minds, Empowering Lives

Now I'm employed at this company with the slogan that says:
Touching Hearts, Moulding Lives.


Why why why

Do Re Mi

A family friend got admitted into the hospital after falling from the ladder cleaning the ceiling fan. So, I got to do some substitute piano teaching while the daughter runs around hospitals.

After good 5 years of not touching theory books, my theoretical knowledge obviously deteriorated, whatsoever. I needed to ask a Grade 1 student how the rest is supposed to be. Great not.

Anyways. I don't like how they have changed it from Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do to CDEFGABC. It's so unmelodic and hard to hum and commercialized. Or maybe I'm just too used to humming melodies to Do Re Mi, somehow singing GCAFECD is just so weird. It makes more sense just singing So Do La Fa Mi Do Re.

No caroling this year

skipped Day1 because I was on heavy flu and headache
skipped Day2 because I had to go alone without the brother plus he mistook the time
skipped Day3 because I was volunteering at the kiddie camp

It's an event I look forward to every year, especially this. Though it's the wrong reason, I wanted to meet up with the friends I've known and liked so much. Yet when I know that I have to go without the sister I was afraid, for I know I cannot stick to the brother if I feel awkward or shy and want to retreat just for a moment. I struggled a lot, for meeting up with old friends brings so much uncertainties and needed so much courage from me, even though I know they will be kind and accepting of me.

It'll already be Christmas in 25minutes. No more caroling this year. I wonder when I'll get enough courage to go meet the friends... I wonder if caroling next year awaits me...

Tall Girls

=)

事件

人在异乡的他……在自己家人和朋友居住的城市里发生了事故。
阿麽问，“不打电话回去吗？”
他竟然冷冷地说：打什么？死就死去啦~
我怀疑，是不是他的defense mechanism 呢？

我看他翻阅报章。是否在看 有没有熟人在里头呢？
他会不会在想，如果他也在那里工作，这会不会降临在他身上呢……
他应该很焦虑吧……可是他看起来并没有。

Shyappin~

I went shopping by myself today.
Tried on lotsa clothes. Liked a few, didn't buy any.

1: (50%) RM109. I loved it. The color, the shoulders, the weird length was tolerable. And it was tiny checks. Nice. But the price... Hmm.
2: (Buy 1 Free 1) RM70. Slightly too small. But very nice color.
3: (Buy 1 Free 1) RM70. Shoulder size just nice. Yummy color. But the sleeves are just so comfortably fitting they can't be rolled up.
4: (Buy 1 Free 1) RM70. Let's just say it didn't look as nice as it was hanging there.So I went to another shop which I wouldn't normally go in, and told myself to grab some silly things that I know I would never wear or buy even if people pay me money for it.
5: The inner white blouse was cute, but the length was just weird. I matched it with the overpriced recycled 100 years cheap looking denim jacket, hmm. The white blouse made me look like I'm a bride's maid or something. Fairly uncomfortable.
6: Dress or blouse you tell me. Some complicated lining inside that took me forever to put on.
I've always loved checks. They look smart yet casual. But they always come in expensive tags and weird not-my-kinda combination of colors.

=)Life is sad not easy when M is too small and L is too big.
I like shopping alone, I can take my own sweet time, no pressure to buy after I try on stuff. And I get to make myself try the weirdest thing I swear I would never put on, and laugh at me myself. It was fun.

안 괜찮구나

It took me just 1 hour 15 minutes to get home today. Bus LRT bus. It's the fastest record ever.

I did not put music on, cuz my phone battery was running out. In the last bus, I realized that I wasn't actually ok. I quickly popped the headphones and turned the music on loud.

I still remember how my ears hurt yesterday morning from the extremely loud music. Even then, I still could hear my thoughts.

안 괜찮아. 난 아직 안 괜찮아.