Found my feet its love. Have been searching for a suitable sandal/slipper/sneaker since forever. Finally I found it.
Birkenstock. My feet were so happy. But my pocket cried. It knew it had to sacrifice for the overall happiness of my feet and body, and it did sacrifice greatly. And it wept quietly at night when it thought no one was there.
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
일
계속 할까 그만 둘까?
지금 이런 상황에 나도 그냥 떠나면 안돼지...
근데 매 년 이런 힘들때 그만두는 생각도 난다.
너는? 거기 멀리 멀리 있고 말하면 해 아무것도 안하고 우리 여기서 죽거나 살거나 관심있어? 너 돈만 관심해. 우리 사람아니고 돈 만들는 법이다. 이 생각 들면 화가 나. 너는 뭐야?! 그 조금만 월급을 주면 다야?! 너는 무슨! 꺼져! 꺼지라고! 야아아아아아아! 너 뭐야?!?!
애들 생각하면 아깝다. 널 생각하면 사람 때리고 싶어.
이제 어떻게.. 어떻게 하니 ?
지금 이런 상황에 나도 그냥 떠나면 안돼지...
근데 매 년 이런 힘들때 그만두는 생각도 난다.
너는? 거기 멀리 멀리 있고 말하면 해 아무것도 안하고 우리 여기서 죽거나 살거나 관심있어? 너 돈만 관심해. 우리 사람아니고 돈 만들는 법이다. 이 생각 들면 화가 나. 너는 뭐야?! 그 조금만 월급을 주면 다야?! 너는 무슨! 꺼져! 꺼지라고! 야아아아아아아! 너 뭐야?!?!
애들 생각하면 아깝다. 널 생각하면 사람 때리고 싶어.
이제 어떻게.. 어떻게 하니 ?
Sick
Sick. Just flu and fever actually, but dad brought me to the clinic and I almost passed out there and then which worried me. Doctor gave me 2 days of sick leave and I used it to the max.
Day 2 a fellow colleague texted to say that her brother got into an accident and is in coma. I got so worried and started to blame myself for not being there for her, instead I stayed home due to cold feet and momentary dizziness. I could have been there to help out in whatever she has to do so she can pack up her emotions to go. I didn't meet her today when I came back to work as she left for the brother.
She must be in so much pain now. There can be so much blame and pain going around in the household. And to care for the brother when he wakes, his physical needs, mental needs, emotional needs, and all, it's going to be so exhaustive.
I couldn't even imagine it. Once I saw a movie or book or something which made me think of loosing my brother and that thought made me down and cried for so long. I can't imagine what's going through the dear colleague's mind right now, the buzz and fear and worries and all the possible things that could fit into our brain at one go, all thinking about her brother lying on the bed in a coma, waiting for the day he wakes.
Day 2 a fellow colleague texted to say that her brother got into an accident and is in coma. I got so worried and started to blame myself for not being there for her, instead I stayed home due to cold feet and momentary dizziness. I could have been there to help out in whatever she has to do so she can pack up her emotions to go. I didn't meet her today when I came back to work as she left for the brother.
She must be in so much pain now. There can be so much blame and pain going around in the household. And to care for the brother when he wakes, his physical needs, mental needs, emotional needs, and all, it's going to be so exhaustive.
I couldn't even imagine it. Once I saw a movie or book or something which made me think of loosing my brother and that thought made me down and cried for so long. I can't imagine what's going through the dear colleague's mind right now, the buzz and fear and worries and all the possible things that could fit into our brain at one go, all thinking about her brother lying on the bed in a coma, waiting for the day he wakes.
Collapse
A
dear friend
parent collapse due to some heart problem and was sent into surgery to remove her 8 month old baby and a heart surgery. I saw her name posted on FB asking for blood donation, it was such a shock. I made some calls to confirm, and get someone closer to pay her a visit and all...
It wasn't someone I knew dearly, but I liked her so much, she was such a nice person, always... Just felt so sorry for her, for she was such a nice person and had to go through this. She got better, but was unhappy for she feels sorry to her newborn because it's not the healthiest baby, but the baby's fine. Now we're worried that she'll get depression.
What is happening to this world?! Nice people should have a nice life, what happened to karma ?
But who am I to judge karma,...
dear friend
parent collapse due to some heart problem and was sent into surgery to remove her 8 month old baby and a heart surgery. I saw her name posted on FB asking for blood donation, it was such a shock. I made some calls to confirm, and get someone closer to pay her a visit and all...
It wasn't someone I knew dearly, but I liked her so much, she was such a nice person, always... Just felt so sorry for her, for she was such a nice person and had to go through this. She got better, but was unhappy for she feels sorry to her newborn because it's not the healthiest baby, but the baby's fine. Now we're worried that she'll get depression.
What is happening to this world?! Nice people should have a nice life, what happened to karma ?
But who am I to judge karma,...
Spend & Save
Lately I've been spending a lot.
Over the year of working I've been really thrifty/ stingy. Other than weekends and going out (which I hardly do), I don't spend much, except on breads and occasional eat outs at hawker stalls. I save as much as I can.
And in the end, it's not much. I can't buy no car no house nor expensive things because it would burn a huge hole on my savings. Then I started to think. What if. And I consulted my wise friends *wink*
Save: what if I die tomorrow.
Spend: what if I'd live a long life.
The other day I saw a school boy, who looked so much like Benjamin. Benjamin was a dear friend, we were not close, as he passed away when we started to get close. He was like a jolly little brother, whom just got reprimanded for being so playful and irresponsible by his godmum. Then he passed away after an asthma attack during his weekend holiday. It was a shock. He was just 16. One day he was there, and poof, the next day he's gone. Life can be so predictable with the routines but we'll never predict.
So I started to spend. Quite a bit compared to my old stingy self.
I buy myself starbucks coffee drinks, which I have promised to buy myself once I started work, but never did till now.
I buy fresh milk, chocolate milk, laughing cow cheese, cheese, chocolate bars, cookies. Things I have always thought to be 'luxurious' and I can save on.
I go out shopping, not necessarily buying things, but just open up to opportunities of seeing and spending on little joys. I'd say I've bought quite a bit of stuff since the decision, but I won't say I've wasted any. Because I was too stingy to buy anything, but now I'd get whatever I'll use and put it to good use.
The most expensive one was my new cell phone. It was so expensive, but I decided WTH, my old phone is 5.5 years old, and I have the money now. What am I waiting for. And of course, I settled for a cheaper one than the iPhone due to stinginess, but heck I'm so happy with it now.
It's no big spend, but it's a big change because I'm having more real food and going out so much more, and more importantly I feel much freer.
So, if I die tomorrow, I wouldn't regret that I haven't bought myself nice food last night, or didn't buy that merchandise that I liked so much and knew I could use it.
But if I don't die soon, and live a long life, I still have a little savings, to pay my medical fees when I'm sick at an older age. I wouldn't last long, for it's not a grand saving, but at least I'll survive for a little more time than to die of regret immediately. =)
Over the year of working I've been really thrifty/ stingy. Other than weekends and going out (which I hardly do), I don't spend much, except on breads and occasional eat outs at hawker stalls. I save as much as I can.
And in the end, it's not much. I can't buy no car no house nor expensive things because it would burn a huge hole on my savings. Then I started to think. What if. And I consulted my wise friends *wink*
Save: what if I die tomorrow.
Spend: what if I'd live a long life.
The other day I saw a school boy, who looked so much like Benjamin. Benjamin was a dear friend, we were not close, as he passed away when we started to get close. He was like a jolly little brother, whom just got reprimanded for being so playful and irresponsible by his godmum. Then he passed away after an asthma attack during his weekend holiday. It was a shock. He was just 16. One day he was there, and poof, the next day he's gone. Life can be so predictable with the routines but we'll never predict.
So I started to spend. Quite a bit compared to my old stingy self.
I buy myself starbucks coffee drinks, which I have promised to buy myself once I started work, but never did till now.
I buy fresh milk, chocolate milk, laughing cow cheese, cheese, chocolate bars, cookies. Things I have always thought to be 'luxurious' and I can save on.
I go out shopping, not necessarily buying things, but just open up to opportunities of seeing and spending on little joys. I'd say I've bought quite a bit of stuff since the decision, but I won't say I've wasted any. Because I was too stingy to buy anything, but now I'd get whatever I'll use and put it to good use.
The most expensive one was my new cell phone. It was so expensive, but I decided WTH, my old phone is 5.5 years old, and I have the money now. What am I waiting for. And of course, I settled for a cheaper one than the iPhone due to stinginess, but heck I'm so happy with it now.
It's no big spend, but it's a big change because I'm having more real food and going out so much more, and more importantly I feel much freer.
So, if I die tomorrow, I wouldn't regret that I haven't bought myself nice food last night, or didn't buy that merchandise that I liked so much and knew I could use it.
But if I don't die soon, and live a long life, I still have a little savings, to pay my medical fees when I'm sick at an older age. I wouldn't last long, for it's not a grand saving, but at least I'll survive for a little more time than to die of regret immediately. =)
JooJiHoon
It started out as a crush, from Goong the drama. He wasn't particularly handsome, but the ordinary-ness plus the charisma made him really charming. I've got hundreds of photos of him in my hard disk. After the frenzy he just became one of the few celebrities that I once liked so much, for that month or two...
Till 10 minutes ago I reopened the file named after him (duh?), and browsed through his many photos just to look for 1 (which I still have no idea, and haven't found). But I realized another thing.
Him and his modeling pictures had always inspired me. Reminding me that one can be anything you want to be. Just set the hair, change an expression, put on some appropriate clothes, stand in front of the right backdrop, and tada, you're it. Look below, he can be so many things yet be the same person. I guess that's the magic of being a model. ...
guy in the ad
superstar wanna-be (in real life he's not that attractive la really)
robotic
38
hilarious
silly
guy next door
casual
construction site worker
caring
nerdy
and so many more I lazy to upload photos la. But you get it right? Grow some hair, or cut some hair. Curl it or straighten it, put on some clothes and accessories and you're it. Of course in reality it isn't that easy, but is it that difficult?
Gang
Had a short trip to KL about 2 weeks ago. Met up with friends, catch up a little.
It's funny how 6 out of 7 of us in the gang ended up in the education field.
3 in special ed,
1 in secondary school ,
1 counsulting new students in university,
and me in a preschool.
And the last person? Works in a credit card company. No joke. All 6 busy contributing to education and society while she gets people to swipe their card and spend more money. Hahahahaha, but it sounded really fun, and better paid than most of us. =P
Anyways, everyone seems happy with their life after graduation. I think. At least it looks like so. Even under stress and uncertainty I see them fulfilled in some way for being independent and contributive(?) to the betterment of our society and future. At least we're finding meaning and making sense of our lives.
It's funny how we're all 7 different people from different parts of the country, with different personalities and yet could form the gang. Weird. But we got along, and enjoyed each others' different sense of humour and wisdom. =)
It's funny how 6 out of 7 of us in the gang ended up in the education field.
3 in special ed,
1 in secondary school ,
1 counsulting new students in university,
and me in a preschool.
And the last person? Works in a credit card company. No joke. All 6 busy contributing to education and society while she gets people to swipe their card and spend more money. Hahahahaha, but it sounded really fun, and better paid than most of us. =P
Anyways, everyone seems happy with their life after graduation. I think. At least it looks like so. Even under stress and uncertainty I see them fulfilled in some way for being independent and contributive(?) to the betterment of our society and future. At least we're finding meaning and making sense of our lives.
It's funny how we're all 7 different people from different parts of the country, with different personalities and yet could form the gang. Weird. But we got along, and enjoyed each others' different sense of humour and wisdom. =)
我可能不会爱你
骄傲又自卑，有原则却常常被卡在原则里的 程又青
害怕失去，默默地付出的 李大仁
还有那些社会的眼光和压力。 家人、同学、后辈……
虽然是部关于爱情的电视剧，但它反映着太真实的现实。
女主角努力成功、独立与自信带来保守思想社会的偏见和歧视。她是开心的，若是没有社会施与的无形压力。要是她不在意就有多好，但这是collectivist 社会。有一幕，她参加男友的庆功宴，被男友的秘书问到工作会不会累。她说：“在这个社会找自己的位置，大家都很累。” 却换来那秘书的一句：“所以才要找个可以办事的男朋友。”
男主角努力配合，害怕前进，因为他害怕失去。他努力做个好人，人人都喜欢他，可是好人往往吃亏。因着“拥有就是失去的开始”， 若没有拥有就不会失去。因为不想开始失去，默默地付出带来默默的幸福，也带来许多暗地里折磨自己的时候。
我看到小小的我；想要不靠任何人地努力和独立，坚信自己的原则却因别人的眼光而感到自卑与不确定。我看到小小的我；努力想要当个好人，却换来许多挣扎和犹疑。
也许我没有方头狮那么有影响力，不过我了解他的挣扎，喜欢自己又想融入大家的那一份挣扎。
在戏里，男主角形容女主角为方头狮。他说女主角就像方头狮：方头狮的颈圈是方的，其他狮子都是圆的。而正是“与众不同”的这件事，常常让它卡住，卡在自己的原则里、卡在‘该不该妥协’的挣扎里、卡在"会不会全世界都对了，只有我的坚持是错了"的迷思里……
在这一方面我有像方头狮。若是没看到这一幕，我想我也慢慢地把头浸入水里想变成与大家一样的圆头狮子了吧？
Hi Phone
Hi phone.
Some days I wish you dead so I can meet my new love iPhone. I have abandoned my love for LG Lollipop ever since an iphone arrived at our home. Muahaha. I'm sure you'd understand that this is a techno era everyone gets a smartphone to be smarter.
Some days I wish you'd stay with me forever. Days when you're passed out before night fall, and blocks me away from being reached by annoying people during rest time. I'm not sorry to leave you to rest in peace for a day or two, because the fact that anyone can reach me anyday anytime and I have to pick up the call frustrates me to the max. These days you'd be nice and just lie in mute, and let me enjoy my isolation in peace.
면점 뭇하는 나를
그저께 어제도 오늘도
항상 잘했으면 열심히 했었으면 이제는 한국에 면점하고 있을수 있어도 몰라.
나 도데채 뭔가 잘 뭇했니?
내 삶이 그렇게 쉬었구만... 어렸을 때부터 지금까지 원하는 것들 다 받을 수 있고 할 수 있고. 이 번엔 통과 못하는게 너무 마음 아프게 신기했어 속상해. 그치.. 나 이런 상황 익숙하게 돼야지.
항상 잘했으면 열심히 했었으면 이제는 한국에 면점하고 있을수 있어도 몰라.
나 도데채 뭔가 잘 뭇했니?
-----
내 삶이 그렇게 쉬었구만... 어렸을 때부터 지금까지 원하는 것들 다 받을 수 있고 할 수 있고. 이 번엔 통과 못하는게 너무 마음 아프게 신기했어 속상해. 그치.. 나 이런 상황 익숙하게 돼야지.
Bravery
Quoting YY quoting from a movie:
All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and I promise you something great will come out of it” ... Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery.
I've known this all along. Sometimes I stop thinking, and just do it. That is just what I need. But it's just not easy.
All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and I promise you something great will come out of it” ... Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery.
I've known this all along. Sometimes I stop thinking, and just do it. That is just what I need. But it's just not easy.
-----
I'm tired of waiting... 6 more days till the sentence.
사두르게 하지마. 열심히 하면 돼
That's my new 'motto'. =)
It basically says don't rush. Try your best.
For the past few weeks I've been really stressed and demotivated at work. I keep racing against time, and nothing seemed to go well. I didn't have time for anything else. All I did was rush to the next schedule.
I didn't plan for my classes therefore didn't prepare. When it's class time I hurry through it, and the children don't get it. Then I rush to another class to repeat the disaster. After school I rush to send the kids back home, which was a nervous wreck with 2-4 kids to hush onto the car safely on time.
Then I stopped.
I thought about what the mindless rush was about, and 'TING!' I got it.
I was in a bad evil cycle, and I need to break through it.
I took a deep breath, and decided I would not rush. I would try my best, and it shall be fine.
So I did. I stopped to play with the kids, I prepare my things with a calm heart. I go to class happy and effective. I send the kids without rushing and always ended up dropping them at home late for 2-5 minutes.
But I was happy. I wasn't so stressed over being unable to deliver, and then delivered quite well. I tried my best to treat the kids with care and respect, instead of shuffling them about in a hurry. The kids were happy. And it all turned out fine. =)
사두르게 하지마. 열심히 하면 돼.
It basically says don't rush. Try your best.
For the past few weeks I've been really stressed and demotivated at work. I keep racing against time, and nothing seemed to go well. I didn't have time for anything else. All I did was rush to the next schedule.
I didn't plan for my classes therefore didn't prepare. When it's class time I hurry through it, and the children don't get it. Then I rush to another class to repeat the disaster. After school I rush to send the kids back home, which was a nervous wreck with 2-4 kids to hush onto the car safely on time.
Then I stopped.
I thought about what the mindless rush was about, and 'TING!' I got it.
I was in a bad evil cycle, and I need to break through it.
I took a deep breath, and decided I would not rush. I would try my best, and it shall be fine.
So I did. I stopped to play with the kids, I prepare my things with a calm heart. I go to class happy and effective. I send the kids without rushing and always ended up dropping them at home late for 2-5 minutes.
But I was happy. I wasn't so stressed over being unable to deliver, and then delivered quite well. I tried my best to treat the kids with care and respect, instead of shuffling them about in a hurry. The kids were happy. And it all turned out fine. =)
사두르게 하지마. 열심히 하면 돼.
Fear
I guess many times in life we're scared.
Scared of failure.
Scared of uncertainties.
Scared of hurting.
Scared of getting hurt.
Scared of attention.
Scared of trying.
Everyone is scared. Everyone is unsure, the difference between those who makes it and those who doesn't, is how they control their fear and how they are controlled by their fear.
There are so many things that I want and wanted to do, yet were held back because I fear. What if... But... It might... I have responsibilities... I keep living in fear of going out of the boundary that I have drawn to limit myself due to all these fears. I want to protect myself from hurting so I allow the fear to creep in.
There were so many things that I could have done if I had stopped thinking or worrying about it for a second. All my life I've been living in consideration, I'm barely prepared when opportunities go by, either in a flash or in a stroll. I'm never prepared because I'm always so busy thinking...
I saw this book in the store, called "The Woman who stayed in bed for a year". The book was about how a woman stayed in bed and refused to do anything else because that's what she wanted to be. And for once in her life she stopped being what everyone wants her to be, and truly just be herself. I envy her. I want to be her. That's what freedom is, to be free from other people's expectations and my limitations.
Teet teet teet
At the dinner, when someone picks up a smart phone and starts having fun with it, the other people turns into invisible morons.
True story.
This
This and that, I guess.
Can't make up my mind.
An interested parent called me up to ask about the musikgarten program for her 2 year old.
I guess it's time. I've dragged my own due date for too long. I gave myself till March to decide, but it's way past March now and I haven't decided on a thing. I want to do everything yet I want to do nothing.
If I take option M: I foresee the financial benefits and developmental progress, but I have to sacrifice a little more me-time which I'm enjoying so much now, and also to sacrifice my weekends away, but it's not like I'm doing anything other than lazing like the lazy panda anyways.
If I take option NOW: I'll be happy but not satisfied with where I'm going and my earning abilities. I'll not be 100% happy and planned for the future and I'll remain poor forever, but then again who can be really 100% happy unless they are insane, and even insane people sometimes get sad; plus who is really rich when they're not rich in the heart.
If I take option K: I seriously need to do intense planning and a lot of paper work and this and that. This option would be ideal for developmental and financial growth, but then after a lot of hardwork I wouldn't guarantee myself that I'll be able to make it through the loophole.
So see. We have some serious thinking to do, and we have some serious conclusion that we need to make, by the end of tonight.
Content
I see the positivity and content in him, as he tried to get more blocks but failed.
3 children (aged 2+, 3+ and 4+) were playing with a set of blocks. The elder 2 got their hands on more blocks as the youngest boy was coloring. When he came, he's got no blocks and tried to snatch from the other friends.
After some struggle to return and apologize and negotiation, he's got himself 2 pieces of blocks. While the 2 tried to build their own empire and this and that, he held one in each hand, and had fun playing with them in his own creative way which is unrelated to building or constructing.
He balanced one at the top of his hand, he tried hitting them together. He tried to exchange his piece with the elder one, he pretended that they were his treasures, he lined them up and just looked at them, just be content and glad that he's got 2 good pieces.
Age
Sometimes I don't get it. People call it generation gap, but I can't understand what's the logic behind their thinking. Perhaps that's the culture or the way they were raised. It frustrates me very much especially now. Just like the bad people in the movies, I don't understand why there are people out there who live to make others' life difficult. Such a stupid sad thing to do.
Wrong person
You know that situation, which you ask someone for an opinion, then when you get the answer you realize that you've asked the wrong person about that matter because your worldviews are so much different and you start to wonder how you can be friends/ close to each other...
Little thoughts
为什么你天天念佛拜佛吃素这个那个还没有把你的虚荣心去除掉
没有脑，为什么不会明白这些用屁股想也想得出的道理？
why funeral also so stressful wan.... walao eh.
I freaking quit.
Feelings always leak out like gas that kills at the most significant moment.
Driving alone is a dangerous thing. It allows the blocked thoughts roam free and take over the conscious brain. Losing control and just be.
Never knew spreading religion can be like trying to sell a direct sales product.
Funeral is a good time to gather, reunite and catch up. And meet up relatives we never know existed.
I'm glad that the people in my generation are mostly open minded. We joked about things we're not supposed to, and had a good time.
Sometimes laughing and smiling can be a strong defence mechanism over something that we don't know how to handle.
It reminded me of how easily I get mad, get fed up and start cursing, and then forgive when you come and try to make up for that mistake.
It sucks to get used to having something so dearly and lose it, especially when you've been living together for more than half a decade. Life will never be the same again.
할아버지
또 아팠어. 많이 편찬해졌어. 몇일부터 하루 종일 침테에 자고 있었어.
많이 불편한까봐 먹어도 화장실 가도 안돼서. 말씀 해도 힘들어.
옛날에 아무리 미워도 지금은 나무 아픈 어르신아댜.
볼수록 나이 드는거 싫어. 늙고 힘 없어지는 게 무서웠어. 아주 많이 무서워서.
많이 불편한까봐 먹어도 화장실 가도 안돼서. 말씀 해도 힘들어.
옛날에 아무리 미워도 지금은 나무 아픈 어르신아댜.
볼수록 나이 드는거 싫어. 늙고 힘 없어지는 게 무서웠어. 아주 많이 무서워서.
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