The intern colleague got assessed today. Let's just say she haven't fully gotten classroom management yet. I would talk to her off and on, and she's slowly improving, but hmm, I don't think she performs as good as she thinks and today's assessment totally ruined her confidence. I'm not good in reading people, but I can tell she's not feeling herself today.
Anyways. I was expected to assess my fellow colleague of her performance, which I did. Frankly I refered to the others' marks and standards, I felt a strong pressure to rate a higher grade. Don't get me wrong, she's not all that bad, but it's just that my background from HELP has trained me to not take marks and grades for granted because they can be crude, and most importantly, unless you're near genius and creative in application, you will certainly won't get an A; and a B+ is what a rare above average student will get.
As I shared with another fellow colleague on my grading method, I frankly explained that if I were to grade according to my understanding of grades and my standard of expectation from an intern, it wouldn't be that amazing. I would never give Grade A for an average work.
Showing posts with label Study. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Study. Show all posts
The Convo Trip
I'm so done being graduated. I've rejoiced about graduation long enough long ago. But the convocation really meant something to me.
It was a family trip, for family. Perhaps it was me knowing that everyone took all the crazy effort to be there for me that made me feel important and so loved, I don't know, but I was really really happy. Mum, dad, Jo, Hern, even Auntie GHong and Uncle Leow and Julianne were there, all the way 4 hours drive to the crazy heavy traffic city. All the trouble just to be there to wish me congratulations and take photos with me after the ceremony.
It was a very very meaningful trip. When I saw my friends bringing their boyfriends to photoshoot while I have 2 cars of family members, I didn't feel ashamed or proud, I felt so spoiled and loved to pieces.
When I shook hands with Mr Paul Chan the university president on stage, he asked me,
"Where are you working?"
Instinctively I replied, "Penang." "Oh, a preschool."
I wasn't looking straight into his face, but from my peripheral view I saw his face changed. He wasn't proud of me at all. And I was mad at that. I felt so insulted by him being such a 'great' man who looks down upon a preschool teacher. Instead of being happy for me for going after my dreams and being truly happy within, he was disappointed?
I saw Peter outside the hall. He was someone from Grace Assembly Uth thingy. Turned out his girlfriend graduated from the same year as I do. I've always thought he's kinda old....... OK. The end.
It was so nice to see the people again. But the crowd was scary to navigate around.// I kept telling myself that I won't trip and fall when I go up the stage. //I was sitting in the first row of the graduands so I could see the old intelligent scholars dozing off during the ceremony.// First row is the greatest cuz I kept getting my photos taken. LOL // I'm so proud I'm finally all done with the university already.// I didn't see YanLing, wonder how she's been. // ThiamPoh said he would come but didn't; I didn't remember until he texted me later in the afternoon anyways. // We walked to KLCC for lunch after the ceremony and it was a bliss, until we witnessed a snatch theft in front of us, but the robber didn't manage to get the bag from the tourist as the construction workers from across the street shouted, the girl was dragged on the road for a bit but wasn't badly bruised thank goodness; it was as shocking for us who were walking close by as well. // Love Dr Goh! // Saw ms Winnee but she was so... her. // Kinda wished Ms Charis was there too.
It was a family trip, for family. Perhaps it was me knowing that everyone took all the crazy effort to be there for me that made me feel important and so loved, I don't know, but I was really really happy. Mum, dad, Jo, Hern, even Auntie GHong and Uncle Leow and Julianne were there, all the way 4 hours drive to the crazy heavy traffic city. All the trouble just to be there to wish me congratulations and take photos with me after the ceremony.
It was a very very meaningful trip. When I saw my friends bringing their boyfriends to photoshoot while I have 2 cars of family members, I didn't feel ashamed or proud, I felt so spoiled and loved to pieces.
-----
When I shook hands with Mr Paul Chan the university president on stage, he asked me,
"Where are you working?"
Instinctively I replied, "Penang." "Oh, a preschool."
I wasn't looking straight into his face, but from my peripheral view I saw his face changed. He wasn't proud of me at all. And I was mad at that. I felt so insulted by him being such a 'great' man who looks down upon a preschool teacher. Instead of being happy for me for going after my dreams and being truly happy within, he was disappointed?
-----
And some random stuffI saw Peter outside the hall. He was someone from Grace Assembly Uth thingy. Turned out his girlfriend graduated from the same year as I do. I've always thought he's kinda old....... OK. The end.
It was so nice to see the people again. But the crowd was scary to navigate around.// I kept telling myself that I won't trip and fall when I go up the stage. //I was sitting in the first row of the graduands so I could see the old intelligent scholars dozing off during the ceremony.// First row is the greatest cuz I kept getting my photos taken. LOL // I'm so proud I'm finally all done with the university already.// I didn't see YanLing, wonder how she's been. // ThiamPoh said he would come but didn't; I didn't remember until he texted me later in the afternoon anyways. // We walked to KLCC for lunch after the ceremony and it was a bliss, until we witnessed a snatch theft in front of us, but the robber didn't manage to get the bag from the tourist as the construction workers from across the street shouted, the girl was dragged on the road for a bit but wasn't badly bruised thank goodness; it was as shocking for us who were walking close by as well. // Love Dr Goh! // Saw ms Winnee but she was so... her. // Kinda wished Ms Charis was there too.
Hmm, I almost forgot. Results coming out tomorrow.
For the last time. Hopefully.
Oh well, if I fail, at least I get to stop worrying about employment for now.
Oh well, if I fail, at least I get to stop worrying about employment for now.
Over over over over over over over~~~~~~~
다 끝난다!
I woke up 5am this morning waiting for the alarm to go off.
I didn't know a thing about the answers to the exam questions.
But I don't give a shit.
I am done done done finally at last FINITO!
My tummy hurts like crazy I can go have my uterus cut off already.
I'm going to enjoy my life for a week or two and hopefully get a job then.
Whoa I still can't believe I'm done with the degree.
Whoa. I completed and survived and think I'm still sane.
Just gonna pray hard that I don't fail my last paper. *crossfingers*
Gone broke again despite the fact that I had RM300 extra mid Nov.
Where did all the money go?
Need to start exercising.
Wham! life starts now.
I woke up 5am this morning waiting for the alarm to go off.
I didn't know a thing about the answers to the exam questions.
But I don't give a shit.
I am done done done finally at last FINITO!
My tummy hurts like crazy I can go have my uterus cut off already.
I'm going to enjoy my life for a week or two and hopefully get a job then.
Whoa I still can't believe I'm done with the degree.
Whoa. I completed and survived and think I'm still sane.
Just gonna pray hard that I don't fail my last paper. *crossfingers*
Gone broke again despite the fact that I had RM300 extra mid Nov.
Where did all the money go?
Need to start exercising.
Wham! life starts now.
Cog psych Marks
results are out. tests, quizzes, report, display, bonus.
I got 35/50, not as bad as I pictured it to be. I am proud of the 4 marks out of 5 for our display, which I took hours and hours to complete, and never to forget Jassic's brilliant ideas too.
I still do think that I can do better... Perhaps I could have earned more bonus marks if I had taken the effort to go online during that down period. Quizzes, I have no words. Project was not too bad. I'm proud of my test result, though I made some careless mistakes, but oh well.
Somehow this semester I'm taking all the subjects I enjoy, yet all of them has loads and loads of work to do.
Therapeutic Play: 5 journals, 1 bonus journals, 1 reflection paper, 1 critique, 3 play sessions with 1 trancript
Cog Psych: 12 quizzes, 1 experiment (ERB, running the experiment, etc), 1 report (full length psych lab report), display, colloquium presentation
Group Process: 3 quizzes, 5 group counseling sessions, group counseling report, community project, project report, bonus individual counseling, individual counseling reflection
Thesis: collect and tabulate data, thesis write up, duh?
I took only 4 subjects yet it felt like craziness with assignments due here and there. Here it is, my last semester, lots of enjoyable hands on work, yet heavy. Makes me wonder how I survived taking 5 psychology core subjects at the same time.
I know I won't miss the school. I will miss the people, and the fun projects that we get to do instead of writing reports that do not make sense to me.
I got 35/50, not as bad as I pictured it to be. I am proud of the 4 marks out of 5 for our display, which I took hours and hours to complete, and never to forget Jassic's brilliant ideas too.
I still do think that I can do better... Perhaps I could have earned more bonus marks if I had taken the effort to go online during that down period. Quizzes, I have no words. Project was not too bad. I'm proud of my test result, though I made some careless mistakes, but oh well.
Somehow this semester I'm taking all the subjects I enjoy, yet all of them has loads and loads of work to do.
Therapeutic Play: 5 journals, 1 bonus journals, 1 reflection paper, 1 critique, 3 play sessions with 1 trancript
Cog Psych: 12 quizzes, 1 experiment (ERB, running the experiment, etc), 1 report (full length psych lab report), display, colloquium presentation
Group Process: 3 quizzes, 5 group counseling sessions, group counseling report, community project, project report, bonus individual counseling, individual counseling reflection
Thesis: collect and tabulate data, thesis write up, duh?
I took only 4 subjects yet it felt like craziness with assignments due here and there. Here it is, my last semester, lots of enjoyable hands on work, yet heavy. Makes me wonder how I survived taking 5 psychology core subjects at the same time.
I know I won't miss the school. I will miss the people, and the fun projects that we get to do instead of writing reports that do not make sense to me.
CogPsych
I was studying yesterday, when I fell in love with my handwritting. LOL I know. Even I thought it was absurd. But anyways, that one particular page was really nice and neat and felt really like printed out. =)
Finals
I know I should most probably be reading the texts and notes and slides and reading materials and extra materials for the paper tomorrow. But nyeh, I've been doing it and I'm almost done doing it. It's Last
Last last last last last last last last last last!
I just finished the last last last class of my degree! OMG I freaking made it!
3 more papers and I'm done! Whoa that sounded easy! Until I think of all the crazy things I've been through, I'm glad I survived. Now, a psychology degree isn't that difficult. Is it? Oh yes of course it is! Gosh I'm so proud of myself ok. Well, maybe the results aren't amazing, but so what I did it.
They borrowed my computer for their presentation today. So the pictures of the kids in JGC was projected at the screen, stretched out and big. I felt, violated. I felt that I have violated the kids too. Sigh.
I just finished the last last last class of my degree! OMG I freaking made it!
3 more papers and I'm done! Whoa that sounded easy! Until I think of all the crazy things I've been through, I'm glad I survived. Now, a psychology degree isn't that difficult. Is it? Oh yes of course it is! Gosh I'm so proud of myself ok. Well, maybe the results aren't amazing, but so what I did it.
-----
They borrowed my computer for their presentation today. So the pictures of the kids in JGC was projected at the screen, stretched out and big. I felt, violated. I felt that I have violated the kids too. Sigh.
Colloquium
Sleep deprived, stressed.... Almost passed out at 3pm. The ground was swaying left to right.
I survived. Until the presentation.
It's the very last session. 5 people in the room.
3 presenters, 1 judge, 1 chairperson.
I was excited as hell that the presentation is finally here! I've been waiting all day. I think I did well, I knew my stuff, I was calm as the dead sea (because no one in the room to shoot me questions WTH).
Questions raised were answered quite ok I think. Great experiment great group members and I did my homework.
And the chairperson lengzai said he like the way I speak. My one and only accent LOL.
That marks the end of my degree. 2 more assignments to hand in on Monday, 3 exam papers and I'm done. Wow.
I survived. Until the presentation.
It's the very last session. 5 people in the room.
3 presenters, 1 judge, 1 chairperson.
I was excited as hell that the presentation is finally here! I've been waiting all day. I think I did well, I knew my stuff, I was calm as the dead sea (because no one in the room to shoot me questions WTH).
Questions raised were answered quite ok I think. Great experiment great group members and I did my homework.
And the chairperson lengzai said he like the way I speak. My one and only accent LOL.
That marks the end of my degree. 2 more assignments to hand in on Monday, 3 exam papers and I'm done. Wow.
Colloquium Today
I was in the helpful mode. Like really. I was practically looking for people who need help in any ways at all.
"I'll hold the door for you!"
"Let me bring you to the assistants' room"
"I think this is yours"
(something dropped) "Let me help you with it"
"You need sticky tape"
Gosh I've been offering to help, add together the most deeds I've done compared to the past 3 years!
Until someone said, "Thank you miss." I stopped offering. WTH miss.
"I'll hold the door for you!"
"Let me bring you to the assistants' room"
"I think this is yours"
(something dropped) "Let me help you with it"
"You need sticky tape"
Gosh I've been offering to help, add together the most deeds I've done compared to the past 3 years!
Until someone said, "Thank you miss." I stopped offering. WTH miss.
Too many things due
I'm not going crazy yet. 24 more hours and I'll be good. I'll be good. Don't wanna die of heart attack before that. Too much stress.
Wah so busy can die
This is a crazy week.
From wake up till sleep, I just have to keep on working on my assignments. Crazy busy until the end of the week.
Thought about saving the internet connection limits, but I don't even have time to hang about online! Let's just hope I can finish them on time ok.
From wake up till sleep, I just have to keep on working on my assignments. Crazy busy until the end of the week.
Thought about saving the internet connection limits, but I don't even have time to hang about online! Let's just hope I can finish them on time ok.
I am almost done!
Today is a very very nice day to be out, yet I've spent the entire day sitting in front of the computer scrolling through words and words and more words for my thesis.
We have the fairy tale sky here today. Pastel sky blue, with soft fluffy white clouds, crowded yet distinct from one another. Yummie~
As for my thesis, I'm almost done. Almost.
Still have three argument points to go, but I can't think of how to discuss and critically argue. Sigh.
I have only 8,500 words though. Somehow I have overestimated my ability to crap at least 2,500 words a day. I don't know... There doesn't seem to have any more crap to write anymore. Hmm.
As for my studies, assignments are slowly piling up. After thesis I have to write another lab report for the very high-expectation-hard-to-please Ms W. And the colloquium display I've got it figured out, just have to start doing some artsy craftie which is my favourite.
Two other subjects have relatively easy peasy lemon squeezy assignments to complete, not too much to worry about.
As for my degree, gosh, I'm really almost done!
We have the fairy tale sky here today. Pastel sky blue, with soft fluffy white clouds, crowded yet distinct from one another. Yummie~
As for my thesis, I'm almost done. Almost.
Still have three argument points to go, but I can't think of how to discuss and critically argue. Sigh.
I have only 8,500 words though. Somehow I have overestimated my ability to crap at least 2,500 words a day. I don't know... There doesn't seem to have any more crap to write anymore. Hmm.
As for my studies, assignments are slowly piling up. After thesis I have to write another lab report for the very high-expectation-hard-to-please Ms W. And the colloquium display I've got it figured out, just have to start doing some artsy craftie which is my favourite.
Two other subjects have relatively easy peasy lemon squeezy assignments to complete, not too much to worry about.
As for my degree, gosh, I'm really almost done!
Thesis
I wrote it. About 80% done, need to finalize certain points and look up some articles to back up certain explanations.
The requirement is 10,000- 15,000 words, but I have 6,000 only. How?
Thesis is so pointless, I can't stress this enough. Blergh~
The requirement is 10,000- 15,000 words, but I have 6,000 only. How?
Thesis is so pointless, I can't stress this enough. Blergh~
Thesis
I er. Finally got the 'mood' to do some reading and typing.
So far so good, though progressing really slow. I started with 4,400 words this morning, now I have 4,600 (excluding draft notes). Not too bad, not too bad. At least now I have a clean and neat and flowing (hopefully) lit review and methods.
Results and discussion. Erh-hem.
So far so good, though progressing really slow. I started with 4,400 words this morning, now I have 4,600 (excluding draft notes). Not too bad, not too bad. At least now I have a clean and neat and flowing (hopefully) lit review and methods.
Results and discussion. Erh-hem.
The library
I've never liked school libraries. I've never ever borrowed any books from the library since I stopped high school. Perhaps this has something to do with the one very upsetting misunderstanding with my high school library.
Well anyways. Today I decided to go borrow a book, as my sup advised me to go borrow it for my thesis. So I went. The moldy smell of the carpet, urgh. So that's why I dislike the school library huh. So I went around the shelves and found some interesting books on play therapy. And got the manual my sup was telling me about.
I stayed in there for almost 2 hours. Flipping through the dusty-oh-germy manual, reading the i-wonder-how-many-dirty-hands-have-touched-this play therapy books.
I didn't borrow any books. I just left before the traffic starts to kill drivers. On the way out I stopped for security check. The librarian pushed through my jacket to see if I stole any books. I just felt, wth, why do you have to touch my things. That's why I don't like school libraries.
Anyhoos it was an experience, enjoying the not functioning internet, breathing in the bacterias jumping on the pages, smelling the not-yummie carpet, and just be there, in the silence. It felt good, to be unrestricted of my time, I just hung out for as long as I wanted to, to my own pleasure. It was my choice to stay or leave.
Well anyways. Today I decided to go borrow a book, as my sup advised me to go borrow it for my thesis. So I went. The moldy smell of the carpet, urgh. So that's why I dislike the school library huh. So I went around the shelves and found some interesting books on play therapy. And got the manual my sup was telling me about.
I stayed in there for almost 2 hours. Flipping through the dusty-oh-germy manual, reading the i-wonder-how-many-dirty-hands-have-touched-this play therapy books.
I didn't borrow any books. I just left before the traffic starts to kill drivers. On the way out I stopped for security check. The librarian pushed through my jacket to see if I stole any books. I just felt, wth, why do you have to touch my things. That's why I don't like school libraries.
Anyhoos it was an experience, enjoying the not functioning internet, breathing in the bacterias jumping on the pages, smelling the not-yummie carpet, and just be there, in the silence. It felt good, to be unrestricted of my time, I just hung out for as long as I wanted to, to my own pleasure. It was my choice to stay or leave.
Play Today
Pre-play
It was kind of complicated, to tell the guys that we're going to play one at a time, they didn't understand and didn't quite want to accept it. It was their room, and they had lotsa lotsa lotsa toys; no kidding, all nicely stored at the cabinets.
"Let me tell you a secret!" He held my ear really close. "My imaginary friend is playing with the soft toys."
I told both of them how it is going to be, how long it is going to be, what it was for and all.
I told them that they can bring their toys in for the play session if they want to.
"Lay your toys that you want to play with on the floor. When the play session starts you can only play with the toys on the floor. We will just play on the floor and not onto the bed or outside. Ok?"
The boys were so busy checking my toys out they didn't mind if they wanted to bring their toys or not. I reminded them for the third time and said, "I'm going to start soon, bring the toys that you want to play with."
It was harder to get them out as I needed to sort the toys out.
"Guys can you just wait outside while I set the toys up? I can't really do it with you here. You guys can go outside and decide who will play with me first." After twice saying that, the elder got the idea and said he wanted to go first. The small one was blur and still checking the toys out. So I finally got them out, sort the toys and set up the camera at the weirdest angle possible, taping my cellphone to their bunk bed.
At moments the boys shouted from outside, "You done yet?" "Can I come in yet?" "Done?" and tried to peep. LOL. "Don't peep, and stop rushing, it makes me nervous!"
So the elder boy came in so excited. The small boy protested at the door. The big one just ignored him while the mother tried to get the small one to quiet down.
It was chaotic. I went "ok" "ooh" and "it can be anything that you want to like it to be" and all other weird sentences.
First session
He is 6. I don't know the boy as well as the second boy, we don't play together a lot when we knew each other. For most of the 30minutes he built his city. Very well planned and organized and protected too. He used the pots and pans to make buildings.
Problem is that he kept talking and narrating, I didn't know when to interrupt to track and reflect. For once or twice I tried to reflect his feelings, being upset for the animal can't stand, being happy about the shiny ball. But he didn't seem quite excited about those remarks, I felt as though I was labeling his feelings when it doesn't really excite/upset him that much.
At the very beginning of the session, "What are you going to play?"
"Well I'm just going to watch you play. You can decide what you want to play. I can play with you if you want me to." (wrong)
"Yes yes yes I want you to play with me."
"ok." (wrong)
Then he looked at me still sitting on the chair. He looks confused, I said, "You have to tell me how I can play with you." (wrong)
"My brother asks why we cannot play all 3 together, I don't know."
"So he wanted all of us to play together. Well that's because this is my homework and for my homework I have to play with one person at a time only."
"Homework?"
"Yeah, like I told you just now (before the session)."
"I thought you have to write?"
"Oh, this homework is to play with children. This is a special homework."
He looked very very confused.
"It's a fun one."
He was looking for a big container to put the animals in. He couldn't find it in the room and slowly wandered to the door.
"Hmm for this session we will just use the toys in the room."
And he saw one of my containers in the bag in the corner.
"Can I use this?"
"Yea sure, you can use that." (wrong!)
After a few times of asking "What is this?"
And having me replying, "In here you can decide." "It can be anything you want it to be"
He finally said, "Aiyo. Why you always say that? You decide lah."
The next time he asked, I allowed a little silence instead of replying immediately, and he went, "I know, this can be..."
=)
Second session
This boy is my best friend. He thinks I'm a child, I played with him a lot. He would come sit on my lap and manja with me and stuff. He is 4.
I forgot to reorganize the toys back to original position, forgot to refill the used paper, but the boy didn't mind. I said, "you can play with all the toys in any ways that you want."(wrong!)
He wanted me to play with him, I told him he has to tell me how I can play with him. This system is not working with him because I've always used to just rush into his area and play with him. I guess he didn't quite get the idea that this time, he has to give an official initiation before I go in and play.
"You know what we're going to do first?"
"Hmm. What to do first."
He started picking the guitar up and laid it by the wall.
"We're going to clean up!"
Maybe my expression showed shock, I don't quite know. But he quickly said, "Nope." and changed to playing with the soft toys.
"So you've decided to play with that."
"Why do you always say that?"
I just kept quiet. Wrong! I didn't know how to answer, still don't. He's my friend. I'm always normal and playful. Suddenly I'm not playing, and talking so much, parroting and just narrating his play. Weird.
"Are all the toys yours?"
"*mumble* You're wondering if all the toys are mine. *speak up* Yes they are."
"Did your mummy help you buy it or you buy it yourself?"
"Well, some of it my mummy helped me buy, some I bought it myself."
He fought for 15 whole minutes, I was at lost of words. He didn't even label the toys, I was going "Ooh they are fighting" "More fire coming" "Here it comes!" "That one is hitting that one" and so you can imagine repeating those for 15 minutes while the two soft toys hit each other. I tried imitating his sound effects but it was just too awkward. I tried saying, "Oh-oh." "Ouch" and stuff, but it felt unnatural and interrupting his flow.
As I was losing my confidence in the play, as well as drained out my energy, I spoke softer.
"Oh so the monkey is more powerful."
He did not hear, "Huh?"
(Louder)"Oh so the monkey is more powerful."
"U-huh."
The story of the red mario dinosaur/dragon (debatable) and the monkey with the graduation hat.
"This (monkey) is more powerful because it has a hat. "
Me: o.O? "So that's powerful because of the hat."
"Also because it has a tail. See this one (red dino) can fly because it has this on the back. The monkey cannot fly because it doesn't have. But this one is more powerful because it has a tail. And this (The string hanging from the graduation hat) looks like looks like... looks like fire. The robot won just now (over the dino) but now the monkey will won"
His fighting story had a really interesting twist in the end. Initially the dinosaur defeated the robot. But the robot came back alive. Then the monkey went to fight the robot. The monkey was more powerful than the dino because it has hat, tail and the thing dangling from the hat. Then the truth is that the monkey and the dino tricked the robot about their power; the dino is actually more powerful than the monkey. Then in the end they worked together to fight the robot. Then the robot died another biggest robot came and fought.
He made sound effects for the robot, like how ultraman is almost defeated his light blinks, he went, "teet teet teet!"
"Oh the robot is making a sound."
"Huh?"
"The robot is making a sound!"
I said another thing, he said 'huh?'. I repeat. He said 'oh' or 'yeah'.
I said another thing, he said 'huh?'. I repeat. He said 'oh' or 'yeah'.
I said another thing, he said 'huh?'. I repeat. He said 'oh' or 'yeah'.
So it went on, and I decided to speak up and speak only when necessary.
He wanted me to open the bottle for him. He accidentally snapped the specs. He asked for help to fix it. I told him he can do it himself. And he did! The bottle was really a struggle, but eventually, with my unreal help, he did it!
Then he played with the blocks. Coughing and clearing his throat with every movement he made. I wondered if I need to ask him if he was ok and needed some water. But I didn't.
At the last 3 minutes he decided to do some cooking. Time ran out while he was trying to find a bowl.
Then I told him to go get the brother. Then I realized my phone decided to have a concussion and the entire session was NOT recorded! Gosh! I so wanna cry. I tried to comfort myself saying it's a sucky session anyways. But still.
So as promised we had some trio time together, as that bothered the small one a lot. Yeah, so he proudly told the mom, "first we play one by one, then we all play together!"
I told him I'll come again next time, when he replied, "Remember to bring all your toys ok."
It was kind of complicated, to tell the guys that we're going to play one at a time, they didn't understand and didn't quite want to accept it. It was their room, and they had lotsa lotsa lotsa toys; no kidding, all nicely stored at the cabinets.
"Let me tell you a secret!" He held my ear really close. "My imaginary friend is playing with the soft toys."
I told both of them how it is going to be, how long it is going to be, what it was for and all.
I told them that they can bring their toys in for the play session if they want to.
"Lay your toys that you want to play with on the floor. When the play session starts you can only play with the toys on the floor. We will just play on the floor and not onto the bed or outside. Ok?"
The boys were so busy checking my toys out they didn't mind if they wanted to bring their toys or not. I reminded them for the third time and said, "I'm going to start soon, bring the toys that you want to play with."
It was harder to get them out as I needed to sort the toys out.
"Guys can you just wait outside while I set the toys up? I can't really do it with you here. You guys can go outside and decide who will play with me first." After twice saying that, the elder got the idea and said he wanted to go first. The small one was blur and still checking the toys out. So I finally got them out, sort the toys and set up the camera at the weirdest angle possible, taping my cellphone to their bunk bed.
At moments the boys shouted from outside, "You done yet?" "Can I come in yet?" "Done?" and tried to peep. LOL. "Don't peep, and stop rushing, it makes me nervous!"
So the elder boy came in so excited. The small boy protested at the door. The big one just ignored him while the mother tried to get the small one to quiet down.
It was chaotic. I went "ok" "ooh" and "it can be anything that you want to like it to be" and all other weird sentences.
-----
First session
He is 6. I don't know the boy as well as the second boy, we don't play together a lot when we knew each other. For most of the 30minutes he built his city. Very well planned and organized and protected too. He used the pots and pans to make buildings.
Problem is that he kept talking and narrating, I didn't know when to interrupt to track and reflect. For once or twice I tried to reflect his feelings, being upset for the animal can't stand, being happy about the shiny ball. But he didn't seem quite excited about those remarks, I felt as though I was labeling his feelings when it doesn't really excite/upset him that much.
At the very beginning of the session, "What are you going to play?"
"Well I'm just going to watch you play. You can decide what you want to play. I can play with you if you want me to." (wrong)
"Yes yes yes I want you to play with me."
"ok." (wrong)
Then he looked at me still sitting on the chair. He looks confused, I said, "You have to tell me how I can play with you." (wrong)
"My brother asks why we cannot play all 3 together, I don't know."
"So he wanted all of us to play together. Well that's because this is my homework and for my homework I have to play with one person at a time only."
"Homework?"
"Yeah, like I told you just now (before the session)."
"I thought you have to write?"
"Oh, this homework is to play with children. This is a special homework."
He looked very very confused.
"It's a fun one."
He was looking for a big container to put the animals in. He couldn't find it in the room and slowly wandered to the door.
"Hmm for this session we will just use the toys in the room."
And he saw one of my containers in the bag in the corner.
"Can I use this?"
"Yea sure, you can use that." (wrong!)
After a few times of asking "What is this?"
And having me replying, "In here you can decide." "It can be anything you want it to be"
He finally said, "Aiyo. Why you always say that? You decide lah."
The next time he asked, I allowed a little silence instead of replying immediately, and he went, "I know, this can be..."
=)
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Second session
This boy is my best friend. He thinks I'm a child, I played with him a lot. He would come sit on my lap and manja with me and stuff. He is 4.
I forgot to reorganize the toys back to original position, forgot to refill the used paper, but the boy didn't mind. I said, "you can play with all the toys in any ways that you want."(wrong!)
He wanted me to play with him, I told him he has to tell me how I can play with him. This system is not working with him because I've always used to just rush into his area and play with him. I guess he didn't quite get the idea that this time, he has to give an official initiation before I go in and play.
"You know what we're going to do first?"
"Hmm. What to do first."
He started picking the guitar up and laid it by the wall.
"We're going to clean up!"
Maybe my expression showed shock, I don't quite know. But he quickly said, "Nope." and changed to playing with the soft toys.
"So you've decided to play with that."
"Why do you always say that?"
I just kept quiet. Wrong! I didn't know how to answer, still don't. He's my friend. I'm always normal and playful. Suddenly I'm not playing, and talking so much, parroting and just narrating his play. Weird.
"Are all the toys yours?"
"*mumble* You're wondering if all the toys are mine. *speak up* Yes they are."
"Did your mummy help you buy it or you buy it yourself?"
"Well, some of it my mummy helped me buy, some I bought it myself."
He fought for 15 whole minutes, I was at lost of words. He didn't even label the toys, I was going "Ooh they are fighting" "More fire coming" "Here it comes!" "That one is hitting that one" and so you can imagine repeating those for 15 minutes while the two soft toys hit each other. I tried imitating his sound effects but it was just too awkward. I tried saying, "Oh-oh." "Ouch" and stuff, but it felt unnatural and interrupting his flow.
As I was losing my confidence in the play, as well as drained out my energy, I spoke softer.
"Oh so the monkey is more powerful."
He did not hear, "Huh?"
(Louder)"Oh so the monkey is more powerful."
"U-huh."
The story of the red mario dinosaur/dragon (debatable) and the monkey with the graduation hat.
"This (monkey) is more powerful because it has a hat. "
Me: o.O? "So that's powerful because of the hat."
"Also because it has a tail. See this one (red dino) can fly because it has this on the back. The monkey cannot fly because it doesn't have. But this one is more powerful because it has a tail. And this (The string hanging from the graduation hat) looks like looks like... looks like fire. The robot won just now (over the dino) but now the monkey will won"
His fighting story had a really interesting twist in the end. Initially the dinosaur defeated the robot. But the robot came back alive. Then the monkey went to fight the robot. The monkey was more powerful than the dino because it has hat, tail and the thing dangling from the hat. Then the truth is that the monkey and the dino tricked the robot about their power; the dino is actually more powerful than the monkey. Then in the end they worked together to fight the robot. Then the robot died another biggest robot came and fought.
He made sound effects for the robot, like how ultraman is almost defeated his light blinks, he went, "teet teet teet!"
"Oh the robot is making a sound."
"Huh?"
"The robot is making a sound!"
I said another thing, he said 'huh?'. I repeat. He said 'oh' or 'yeah'.
I said another thing, he said 'huh?'. I repeat. He said 'oh' or 'yeah'.
I said another thing, he said 'huh?'. I repeat. He said 'oh' or 'yeah'.
So it went on, and I decided to speak up and speak only when necessary.
He wanted me to open the bottle for him. He accidentally snapped the specs. He asked for help to fix it. I told him he can do it himself. And he did! The bottle was really a struggle, but eventually, with my unreal help, he did it!
Then he played with the blocks. Coughing and clearing his throat with every movement he made. I wondered if I need to ask him if he was ok and needed some water. But I didn't.
At the last 3 minutes he decided to do some cooking. Time ran out while he was trying to find a bowl.
Then I told him to go get the brother. Then I realized my phone decided to have a concussion and the entire session was NOT recorded! Gosh! I so wanna cry. I tried to comfort myself saying it's a sucky session anyways. But still.
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Post-playSo as promised we had some trio time together, as that bothered the small one a lot. Yeah, so he proudly told the mom, "first we play one by one, then we all play together!"
I told him I'll come again next time, when he replied, "Remember to bring all your toys ok."
-----
It's really difficult. It's way more difficult than I imagined it would be. And they are nice kids who didn't show temper nothing but played nicely. I don't know. At the end of the play I heard my lecturer talking in my head, "When you really play with a kid it doesn't matter because nobody will be watching you. The kid will not know if you screw up." That is so true. But I think my kids know that I was unnatural and at times forced smiles.
Notes.
They were quite curious about the small accessories I got from the Barbie collections. I don't think they know it's from Barbie. "Why no person one?" "There are so many shoes, but why no person?"
The boys loved the spider. And the magic ball. Love at first sight really. "It's really like magic!" one of them exclaimed.
Both of them loved the blocks. One built roads and bridges, one used it to build a maze.
Both of them named Patrick the starfish "Spongebob!"
The soft-toy. One of them named it the Dinosaur, the other said it's a dragon. *wink*
Cheap made-in-China toys. The gun bullet broke. One broke, one got bent. He did not dare to touch the last one. LOL I didn't get to say, "It's ok, accidents happen, toys break sometimes" because he was quickly over it.
Notes.
They were quite curious about the small accessories I got from the Barbie collections. I don't think they know it's from Barbie. "Why no person one?" "There are so many shoes, but why no person?"
The boys loved the spider. And the magic ball. Love at first sight really. "It's really like magic!" one of them exclaimed.
Both of them loved the blocks. One built roads and bridges, one used it to build a maze.
Both of them named Patrick the starfish "Spongebob!"
The soft-toy. One of them named it the Dinosaur, the other said it's a dragon. *wink*
Cheap made-in-China toys. The gun bullet broke. One broke, one got bent. He did not dare to touch the last one. LOL I didn't get to say, "It's ok, accidents happen, toys break sometimes" because he was quickly over it.
Time to PLAY
I rechecked with the mummy and that's what she replied me, "Deal! See you tomorrow."
It's been a long time since someone really spelled tomorrow as it is in a text message. =)
Play Today
I felt my 'skills' improved. So to say.
I told myself to relax and have facial expression. 0.O??
I told myself to smile and be silly.
And I reflected one emotion, based on guessing. I would like to think it as an improvement. =)
I was sitting at the edge of the chair trying to see what my 'child' was playing with. And I wondered what would happen if I really do fall off the chair.
-----
Today's scheduled play session with mister EeFei was postponed because it is Lori's brithday today. Yeah, and I'm not invited. Oh well I'm that close to her anyways. So yea, not gonna see him today. =(
And because I'm sharing toys with Kathleen, scheduling is a little bit out of hand right now. Sigh. I should have bought my own toys. This is a very good reason to explain why I'm not a share-y person. Showing off is good, but sharing just isn't.
Group Counseling + Play
Session 2.
Only at the end of the session when the counselor summarized the session did I realize that she was actually doing all those waiting-for-answer-in-silence-oh-so-slow-so-boring to make us all to share. Hell yeah I did a good part not answering. I was practically mute the entire 2hours.
Anyways. One of our members shared something that has been bothering her, quite in depth actually. I felt her difficulty and struggle, I understood it. But I didn't say anything about it-lah, although I was kind of forced to, I resisted. The counselor kept looking at me, because I was the only one who didn't respond to her request (to tell how I feel about it) in the group. I wasn't really feeling anything, except that I understood her struggles and all, but I didn't wanna say that I didn't feel anything to someone who just revealed her pain. It wasn't exactly pity or anything and I thought "I empathize with her" sounded fake, so I just remained shut up.
I'm not many things ok. I'm not a share-y person. I'm not a feel-y person either. Well at least that's what people has told me and I too have observed of myself. I rationalize things so much, I know how I should feel, how people should feel at what point of time, but I just don't quite feel it. Well the feelings that I can identify in me are good (happy, excited), bad (down), shyness and anger.
Some days I have something great to look forward to I just smile all day, have rapid trains of thoughts and is positive about most things, that's when I know I'm excited or happy.
Some days I say "Sad-ah" more than the other not because I'm really feeling the sadness, it's because I know it's the time to feel sadness. Times when I need to cry or cries out, I don't think I really do feel sadness too, unless that literal heart ache sensation is how sadness feels.
I blush when I feel shy, the heat on my cheeks tells me that.
My heart races when I'm angry, my brain thinks of upsetting things when I'm angry, very literal things inform me about my feelings.
I never thought I wasn't feeling until people told me about it a few times. Then I realize, I might not be feeling. ... Am I just not a feel-ey person or am I blocking them away? (Well as psych students there's always subconscious and dark childhood and defense mechanism and all sorts you name it...)
Play class today was fun. We went to the playroom and played. Sounds pretty mundane right? Well it was kind of. Except the fact that we have to each play like a child and then 'play' the role of the therapist and get evaluated at. Being the child is not difficult but it gets a little tricky when you're very publicly self aware and there are about 9 people staring at you while you pretend to be a child. At times I got absorbed in the playing but then I turn my head and sense all those eyes staring at me I just jumped back to reality and pretended to play. I wanted to play one of my kids, Saj, or Han, or Tave, or Dave. Many personalities that I know came to mind, but when I actually got down and played, I just played like a dumb kid. Bleh. Haha, but I incorporated HohoHin's love for the blender's sound effect! So malu, but made me miss him so much more.
Plus I broke a toy. What are the odds right. So crazy. I was trying to lift the doll's hands and the head just snapped off. Freaked me out, freaked my 'therapist' out. Totally. "It's ok, accidents happen." Yea I know toys break some times, but by a university student who is just pretending to play? Gosh, how guilty can I not be.
I then played the role of the therapist. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. Maybe my 'child' was really easy going and absorbed in her own play and doesn't really care about me. Feedback was that I was monotonous. And I need to have more feeling and expression.
First feeling-less, now expression? Ok I need some feedback here, am I usually expression-less everyday? I know for a fact that I look angry and grumpy and pissed (usually am) when I don't have any expression. Bleh! I don't wanna have a grumpy unhappy pissed face when I'm with a child. OK children tell me! Ok children don't read my blogs so they can't tell me, but I think I do have expressions when I play with them,... right? Gahhh. What about feelings? I'm not a feel-y person larhhhh......
Arh it's driving me nuts. It's not that I'm not interested, I really do, but you're not a real kid and aiyo. I don't know.
Only at the end of the session when the counselor summarized the session did I realize that she was actually doing all those waiting-for-answer-in-silence-oh-so-slow-so-boring to make us all to share. Hell yeah I did a good part not answering. I was practically mute the entire 2hours.
Anyways. One of our members shared something that has been bothering her, quite in depth actually. I felt her difficulty and struggle, I understood it. But I didn't say anything about it-lah, although I was kind of forced to, I resisted. The counselor kept looking at me, because I was the only one who didn't respond to her request (to tell how I feel about it) in the group. I wasn't really feeling anything, except that I understood her struggles and all, but I didn't wanna say that I didn't feel anything to someone who just revealed her pain. It wasn't exactly pity or anything and I thought "I empathize with her" sounded fake, so I just remained shut up.
I'm not many things ok. I'm not a share-y person. I'm not a feel-y person either. Well at least that's what people has told me and I too have observed of myself. I rationalize things so much, I know how I should feel, how people should feel at what point of time, but I just don't quite feel it. Well the feelings that I can identify in me are good (happy, excited), bad (down), shyness and anger.
Some days I have something great to look forward to I just smile all day, have rapid trains of thoughts and is positive about most things, that's when I know I'm excited or happy.
Some days I say "Sad-ah" more than the other not because I'm really feeling the sadness, it's because I know it's the time to feel sadness. Times when I need to cry or cries out, I don't think I really do feel sadness too, unless that literal heart ache sensation is how sadness feels.
I blush when I feel shy, the heat on my cheeks tells me that.
My heart races when I'm angry, my brain thinks of upsetting things when I'm angry, very literal things inform me about my feelings.
I never thought I wasn't feeling until people told me about it a few times. Then I realize, I might not be feeling. ... Am I just not a feel-ey person or am I blocking them away? (Well as psych students there's always subconscious and dark childhood and defense mechanism and all sorts you name it...)
-----
Play class today was fun. We went to the playroom and played. Sounds pretty mundane right? Well it was kind of. Except the fact that we have to each play like a child and then 'play' the role of the therapist and get evaluated at. Being the child is not difficult but it gets a little tricky when you're very publicly self aware and there are about 9 people staring at you while you pretend to be a child. At times I got absorbed in the playing but then I turn my head and sense all those eyes staring at me I just jumped back to reality and pretended to play. I wanted to play one of my kids, Saj, or Han, or Tave, or Dave. Many personalities that I know came to mind, but when I actually got down and played, I just played like a dumb kid. Bleh. Haha, but I incorporated HohoHin's love for the blender's sound effect! So malu, but made me miss him so much more.
Plus I broke a toy. What are the odds right. So crazy. I was trying to lift the doll's hands and the head just snapped off. Freaked me out, freaked my 'therapist' out. Totally. "It's ok, accidents happen." Yea I know toys break some times, but by a university student who is just pretending to play? Gosh, how guilty can I not be.
I then played the role of the therapist. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. Maybe my 'child' was really easy going and absorbed in her own play and doesn't really care about me. Feedback was that I was monotonous. And I need to have more feeling and expression.
First feeling-less, now expression? Ok I need some feedback here, am I usually expression-less everyday? I know for a fact that I look angry and grumpy and pissed (usually am) when I don't have any expression. Bleh! I don't wanna have a grumpy unhappy pissed face when I'm with a child. OK children tell me! Ok children don't read my blogs so they can't tell me, but I think I do have expressions when I play with them,... right? Gahhh. What about feelings? I'm not a feel-y person larhhhh......
Arh it's driving me nuts. It's not that I'm not interested, I really do, but you're not a real kid and aiyo. I don't know.
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