Night

The night has come. I turn on the lights. My eyes drooping, yelling for help, to catch some rest. My brain races, to the end of the world and back, refusing sleep. My back squeaks in ache, begging to be lied down, but the brain continues to whoosh by a hundred thoughts, denying the exhaustion.

It's been 5 days. Or maybe more. It's like, if I go to sleep, tomorrow will come sooner and I'll spend another day thinking about 10 things at the same time without giving them enough thought, ending up not deciding a thing. I don't want to spend my tomorrow zombie-ing by, not again.

It's only been 5 months since I re-started work. It should be easier than this. I don't eliminate the possibility that I'm over reacting to all this, but I feel like I'm burn out, in just 5 months. And it doesn't make sense. I've been denying it all the while until a week ago when my boss said, "you look exhausted. I thought maybe you wouldn't want to continue on with this. That's why I never pushed you on." At that moment, I thought, do I really look that burnt out?

It's not quite working anymore, not for me at least. 5 more months to go until the dateline I set, to leave if it doesn't seem like it'll work out. Just 5 more months, most days it seems like it's coming too fast, WHAM, in my face, but most times it just feels like an eternity to work towards to.