Mask of Pretense

They say don't promise things in times of happiness and don't decide things in times of despair. I think I was just trying to prove myself right. Because things are not going right as I see it... That one thing you said left a deep mark in my heart, and that something you said hurt so much without you meaning it. I seriously don't know what I want now. I'm losing not only a job but something I enjoy doing so much, and a stable income. He said don't look back, it was so wise, but I can't see nothing in the front, I'm trying hard not to look back, but there's nothing to distract me here now or in the future. Everyone keep saying it's a change for the better but why can't I see it? It's new and needs some time to adjust, and change is supposed to be stressful and all, but it is not feeling right. I think I'm making it a bigger deal than it should be so I'm keeping it as low as I can. As he said I'm all closed up and everything is about me myself and I only, I'm becoming so selfish and self absorbed than ever before. It's true. It's true. I expect everyone to be there for me and shake with me when my world is shaking and crumbling down, and it kinda disappoints me that everyone is just moving on and passing by. I'm ok, I tell myself I'm ok. I guess I just need to grow up and get over it for real. And I'm rumbling about this now which is going from one point to another without making any sense. Just forget it.