farewell

farewells suck.
today's was even worse when she received a call giving bad news. If breaking down was the logical thing to do, I could say it was more than that. Pretending to be fine while the feelings bubble up and choke was what I was seeing, and there are a whole lot more that was going inside that we do not know of.

The colleagues surprised me for my upcoming birthday. I was surprised, for I didn't pick up the fattest cue while I worry and feel sorry over the incident. "I get very pessimistic when it comes to life and death," I told her, when she asked if I'm happy about their surprise. I am happy, and grateful, for they always make an effort to celebrate it for me even though I never do it for them. They are my friends, and so was she.

I just felt that it wasn't the best day to celebrate as she was in such deep trouble and worry. I sat beside her while she silently weeps and pretends to be fine and tries to crack a joke, when it was all not fine and nothing near fine, and all I could do for her is nothing.