stress lorr

been so stressed today. yesterday too, but yesterday i was still coping.

the syllabus is too much for me to cover in the given time frame. sometimes i think i'm stressing the 5 year olds out too much, but if i don't i won't be able to finish the lessons and the parents will not be happy about it yada yada doo. I've been cutting smaller things out, but there are much bigger and important things which I have no space to squeeze into. OMG I don't even know what I'm doing everyday except to skim through the curriculum as positively as possible. My god.

Today I blew it. Yesterday I almost blew it, but today I totally did. I raised my voice once or twice, not that it's illegal, but I try my best to influence the children positively and lately with all the stress going on it's taking a tow on my mental fitness. I don't even know if I should give them a happy childhood and an enjoyable English lesson or just push them through their and my limits and finish all the things required and make them the best in writing, copying, counting and all. I'm losing it, the children's interest and my mind.

Today I made 3 kids stay in class to finish their work after school hours. It was their lunch time I felt so terrible yet I felt that I couldn't allow them to dream through my class or get away with their refusals to corporate. I'm driving myself nuts by driving them nuts. It's so freaking stressful to be a kindergartener and it sucks because it's supposed to be an effing playschool, and yet parents are so worried that their kids play so much wth. Does it even make sense to them to ban their child from playing in school when they send their kids to playschool omg kill me please.

i dunno la, what's happening with the society now. everyone has to know everything before they go to primary 1. play? don't kid me, it's a waste of time.

later in the afternoon i made another who was dreaming in my class stay back after everyone has left. i was so stressed up after that my eyeballs hurt like they're going to pop out of my eye socket. wth. i need to sort out what i really need to teach and what i can sacrifice, but at this point of time everything seems very important. perhaps it's not the parents, but me who is greedy to want my children to know as much as possible too.