Khays' Saliva

Pass out

2012-01-18T20:20:00.002+08:00

Passed out in the cemetery the other day, due to the menses. Felt uncomfortable all morning, and after the funeral I just felt the weak feeling that is so familiar from years ago. Started seeing white spots, and cold sweat coming out on the hot hot day, I knew better that I should call out for help. My sister helped me and others keep thinking I'm having a bad cramp, while the others who don't know it's period thought it's the sun killing me WTH. After a short walk I just couldn't walk anymore so I 'fell' kneeling on the floor. Mum helped me up to the bus and I curled and wiggled on the frontest seat with my uncle holding grandpa's framed picture. Couldn't even gather the energy to ask him to give me more space to curl up to fall asleep.

It's not the first time, but it's been a couple of years since the last. Used to feel the nausea and weakness every month when I first started my period, but it never came back after it stopped, until 2 years ago. But that was once.

They say it's due to the hot sun, some say because I hadn't have enough sleep. Most probably got nothing to do with the hot sun though, cuz I've been feeling unwell all morning before that.

I took a short nap on the way back home and felt all fine. All I need is a place to curl up and go to sleep.

-----

Checked with Dr Google, and it turned out most probably to be anemia. Somehow, it's common among young women during menses. Sometimes it's iron defeciency, or many other possible reasons. So I guess I don't have much to worry about. =)

Sleep deprived

2012-01-17T18:56:00.002+08:00

I dare not claim that I'm sleep deprived in front of the family, because at least I have more than 5 hours of sleep daily throughout the funeral. But the difference is that I'm a sleep person. If I don't have enough sleep I go cuckoo. First day is still fine, at most is shorter tantrums and hyperactive brain and mouth. Second day is bearable, third day is saddening, fourth day is zombie, fifth day is steam steam, sixth day I have difficulty falling asleep and staying in deep sleep. So. I'm not sleep deprived, but I am. It's sad. But I'm doing just fine.

iPhone

2012-01-17T18:25:00.002+08:00

to buy or not to buy.

Now my 5+ year old phone's battery is lasting less than 24 hours. It's been a good phone, and to betray it at its death bed is just saddening.

iphone is great, apps are great, games are great, but the price is so not great. I can imagine the many things I can do with that amount of money. It is a big chunk of my hard earned savings over the year I've worked, and it's going to take a big bite at my Korea trip's cost. Sing goodbye to Korea, sing goodbye to Korea, sing goodbye to Korea, goodbye goodbye goodbye. =( or I can choose to sing goodbye to iPhone... OMG this is so difficult. Greed and more greed. Grr

Little thoughts

2012-01-16T21:21:00.005+08:00

为什么你天天念佛拜佛吃素这个那个还没有把你的虚荣心去除掉

没有脑，为什么不会明白这些用屁股想也想得出的道理？

why funeral also so stressful wan.... walao eh.

I freaking quit.

Feelings always leak out like gas that kills at the most significant moment.

Driving alone is a dangerous thing. It allows the blocked thoughts roam free and take over the conscious brain. Losing control and just be.

Never knew spreading religion can be like trying to sell a direct sales product.

Funeral is a good time to gather, reunite and catch up. And meet up relatives we never know existed.

I'm glad that the people in my generation are mostly open minded. We joked about things we're not supposed to, and had a good time.

Sometimes laughing and smiling can be a strong defence mechanism over something that we don't know how to handle.

It reminded me of how easily I get mad, get fed up and start cursing, and then forgive when you come and try to make up for that mistake.

It sucks to get used to having something so dearly and lose it, especially when you've been living together for more than half a decade. Life will never be the same again.

Grandad

2012-01-16T20:58:00.002+08:00

So ah-kong passed away. Though it's like oh-so-finally, it did come somewhat suddenly. There were 'signs' of him going, like how he was not eating for a few days, suddenly talking a lot and smiling from ear to ear, trying to get off the bed, etc, but he never really did die after the many 'signs' across the weeks.

But he did pass away, last Wednesday. A grand but simple funeral was held in his house. All of his children and grandchildren were there, except for the 2 Americans. It was good timing though, for his daughter just flew back from the states, and his 2 granddaughters are on winter/summer break from the states/ aussie, and my brother has not left to the states yet.

Many things happened and did not happen. Uncle (1st child) wanted the Buddhism ceremony while grandpa actually wanted the traditional Taoist way. In the end we had both, which was really confusing and tight-schedule. We were chanting Buddhism prayers and folding the Taoist joss papers all day long. There were some superstitious rules, which we all secretly disobeyed, like not crying, speaking softly and not laughing, not washing the hair with shampoo, not leaving the funeral place until the last day, this and that.

There were some friction between one party and another, but all ended well. Many people came, from grandpa's children and grandchildren, to his brothers and sisters and their children, to his wife's family and children and grandchildren. It was a very touching scene that people who we've never seen before who are distant distant relatives taking the time off to come to join the many days ceremony.

-----

We were told not to cry. I suppose the Chinese believe that the soul is still lingering around its body after death, and if the family cries the 'person' would be sad to leave to would just 'fly' into some random living creature it sees, be it rat or cockroach etc, which is not good.

So we were told not to cry. We tried not to. I didn't. I mean, we were all prepared for it for weeks when grandpa became very weak and turned immobile.

I heard, that when grandpa's sister first came she cried. She went to weep in the kitchen, when my uncle told her not to cry. That's when she said the coolest thing ever. She asked my uncle if it's possible not to cry over the death of her brother. She asked if it's something she can control and stop.

It's like "wham", damn you stupid rules and superstitious illogical thinking. She's my greataunt who is rather aged, but she is so freaking right! I don't understand the 'younger' people who insisted on some stupid mindless 'traditions' that made everyone even more uncomfortable.

不好意思纯粹有感而发

2012-01-10T19:17:00.002+08:00

你这个烂人！没有好的榜样也就算了，这是搞什么东西？这么贪新忘旧，浪费食物，啰里啰唆，顶你个肺，烂人烂人，上梁不正，异想天开，一二三四，什么东西，懒懒懒懒，烂烂烂烂， ……

休想我见你着烂人的屎来吃。你这个烂人！自从上一次磨擦之后我就看清看透你的烂本性！我忍着气你就以为我好欺负！你少惹我，我也是有脾气的！一次生两次熟，这次我看透也看够你的坏习惯和坏性格了！你这个屁股人，看我怎么收拾你！屁股你呀！

iPhone

2012-01-09T14:23:00.002+08:00

The sister has gotten an iPhone. Her old phone has been dead since forever and she's been waiting for the new model to come out, so I guess it was fair and square...

Over the last weekend dad kept telling us that he's got great news for everyone. And the great news is that mum has promised him to buy us (the sister and I) an iPhone each. (Note: The sister has planned to buy the iPhone with her pocket money)

The very important point it, that's what dad said.

I was LOL-ing all the way, dad apparently has 'convinced' mum to buy us an iPhone each, which mum has never agreed. I'm so tempted to get one, especially after the sister has got it too, especially after my phone died on me this morning before the alarm rang which almost made me late for work.

We'll see. I would love to own one, but it might be too soon, and well, it wouldn't be convenient to have it in my pocket as I run around chasing kids around all day. Plus, I don't really call or text people that much.................................................................. Argh, greed is talking to my cerebrum now.................. grr

=S

2012-01-04T20:56:00.002+08:00

Had a happy meal. Not sure if it's meant to make adults happy, but it sure does to me. =)

Felt like just hanging out at the mall today. It's been such a long time since my ~~shopping~~ hang-out-at-the-mall mood comes naturally. Sadly the feeling faded rather quickly. In fact, it faded immediately after I finish the things I wanted to do: print photo and have dinner.

Sigh. What a short lived exciting feeling. but i had a good time with me myself and I.

Spring Cleaning Memo

2012-01-04T20:49:00.001+08:00

It was a nice cloudy morning. The breeze was happy to be there. The road stood still in the quiet, while the water run in excitement from the tap. It's an awesome spring cleaninng day.
I washed the toys. Baskets after baskets, ignoring the possibility of growing water bubbles on my hands due to allergy. It was so fun and therapeutic.

I washed and washed and washed. It must have been hours. I looked up the balcony full of baskets of toys laid out to sun. I told myself I would never whine that there are so little toys in school anymore. At least for half a year more.

After a long long day washing, cleaning, wiping, tidying, sorting and throwing, we went for BK. It wasn't the best food ever as my BBQ cheese burger has only a quarter teaspoon of BBQ sauce on it. But the company was good, and it was a relaxing dinner, after such a long period stressing out my work even after nightfall.

2011-12-31T23:39:00.002+08:00

할아버지 집 또 갔다. 많이 많이 편찬해졌어 아주 많이. 몇일 아무도 못 먹고 모리 못 이동한 종도는 돼었어.

할아버지 자녀 손자들 그 침대 옆에 서 있어 할아버지를 부를면서 죽기를 멈쳐주고 싶었어. 방 밖에 할아버지 동생들 가만히 기다리고 있어. 조영하게 죽기를 기다리고 있는 것 같았어.

너무 무서워. 그 분위기가 청말 한심하다. 우리 다 보뿐만 하고 아무 도움도 줄 수 없어. 그런 우리는 겁이 났어. 죽음은... 아무것도 할 수 없어서 무서워. 사랑했어서 더 무서워. 할머니 걱정스러웠어. 피곤하고 한심하다.

그날엔 나 많이 생각했어. 할아버지 그 다음엔 더 낫아지고 잘 자니까 더많이 생각 들어. 우리 인생이 별로구나. 근데 살고 싶으면 생명을 그렇게 강하거든.

할아버지 사랑은 못 줘서 미안해. 나쁜 손자가 이였어 미안해. 너무 힘들지마.. 잘 가세요.

Spring Cleaning

2011-12-31T23:23:00.002+08:00

More like winter cleaning, or tropical cleaning, but nyeh.

It's time for spring cleaning again. I had a really therapeutic morning washing the toys upstairs of the school. It was done outdoors early morning, so it was really comfortable in the breeze and cool air.

For the entire day throughout I washed the toys, washed 2 toilets and wiped 1 class. While my very effective partner wiped the entire upper floor's classes' cabinets, windows, shelves, tables, floor, surfaces, etc. Walao eh, why I so slow one.

At the end of the day when I go into the toilet, I feel like I've just moved into a new house. =) So nice.

Cleaning is not my thing, never ever forever never. I'm not good at it, it reminds me that I'm slow, and it reminds me that I am anal. Grrr. Not good things.
I just like the things cleaned. The end.

할아버지

2011-12-29T21:27:00.002+08:00

또 아팠어. 많이 편찬해졌어. 몇일부터 하루 종일 침테에 자고 있었어.

많이 불편한까봐 먹어도 화장실 가도 안돼서. 말씀 해도 힘들어.

옛날에 아무리 미워도 지금은 나무 아픈 어르신아댜.

볼수록 나이 드는거 싫어. 늙고 힘 없어지는 게 무서웠어. 아주 많이 무서워서.

Part

2011-12-29T13:49:00.002+08:00

It's year end. The kids are going off for a 5 day break because it's a long weekend, plus the school's going to undergo spring cleaning.

So I told my 2 year olds that they'll be going to the next class next week (which is next year!). They're growing into big kids and they're going to the next class with another teacher. No more Teacher KC. We sang goodbye to everyone, including the 2 lovable Japanese twins who joined us for the holidays as they'll be going back to their own school next week.

Then I sang the "I love you" song which the action is to hug one another. Everyone came up to hug me and it almost made me cry. It's been an awesome year with them and it's sad that I'm not going to spend everyday with them anymore. =( But they've grown and are going to be just great. So farewell kids, I'll still see you during meal times. But it's not going to be the same anymore...

Shine

2011-12-21T15:59:00.002+08:00

A little trip up the highlands,
saw a few outstanding individuals,
reminded me of the joy and passion at work
that makes the individual shine above the rest.

You don't have to be great or awesome,
you don't have to be the best
you can struggle all you want,
but when you're out there,
just enjoy because you love doing it.

Be it work or rest
The joy of enjoying the process just makes one shine even among the crowd.

영기

2011-12-16T22:10:00.002+08:00

그들 나온 소식 듣고서 기분이 나빠져다. 그들이랑 만나는걸 싫다니까.
도망가는 생각을 꼭 난다. 가라 여기 가만있어 또 뭐해?
마음 속에 너무 너무 미쳤어.
근데 저녁 먹을 때 난 영길 냈어
그 순간 부터 다 편하게 되였어.

내 조금만 영기를 나를 살려졌어.

Work & People

2011-12-15T19:59:00.002+08:00

Work has been really stressful. Since last month we've been preparing reports of the children's progress, preparing for next year's materials, and of course, all the other little tiny things that always keep us busy such as attending to the children and parents, reminding parents to bring materials for the coming classes, celebrations, this and that.

Next year I'll be taking on a new class, a kindergarten class, which means more work and heavier responsibility as the children are moving closer to primary school and parents are all jumpy about that. I don't have much time to plan for my other 3 classes, because one is the youngest playgroup and so far no one has confirmed enrolment yet, one has been on-going and I have much confidence that it will be just fine, and one other because I don't have time to.

I've been working day and night for the past few weeks, just because workload is that heavy. Plus the boss came for a visit so extra time was spent having meetings and doing up other not urgent but important things. Grr. Anyways.

Adding on the fact that I kept forgetting that I'll be going away on a holiday for 3 days is really not helping. The coming weeks are packed with my vacation, public holidays, and school cleaning day, which means I'll have less time to prepare my class things. I'm going to burst.

In fact, I did burst. This evening during music time I burst out at my colleague. I confronted her for rewarding my child when he's not attending class. We're having music time and the kid doesn't want to join, he went to the other teacher and requested for a song and the teacher played the youtube video for him. That totally pushed my limit.

Perhaps deep down I'm angry because I always try to help out during other teachers class, but when it's my class all they do is go back to their computer minding their own business. I've had a long day, it's been really hormonal for me this week, I'm super stressed, but I don't think I'm in any good reason to be rude to my colleague. Sigh.

I'll just hope this period passes quickly. Come oh January, I've been preparing for you so please be good.

Masters

2011-12-10T22:20:00.003+08:00

Masters masters. it seems like it's nothing much now. People with not so awesome academics or language ability even, are going for their masters degree, or coming back with a masters degree already. I mean, what is the world coming to?

I'm thinking about it. Not because I want to have that title, or I want to study. Because. I just wanna reach my end goal, and many means are not working well for me, I might as well try another route. =S

那些年，我们一起追的女孩

2011-12-09T20:54:00.002+08:00

The younger people say it's nice, the older people thinks it's just average.

I watched. And thinks it's lame and draggy, until the ending.

A young girl said the ending is not nice, but I think it's great, and realistic. The ending that sums it all up nicely was nice and touching.

But the movie still passes as average overall.

I guess I'm old. Grr.

Thanks

2011-12-09T20:05:00.002+08:00

Dear ST

thanks for joining us for music time the other day. you rarely do and it was really fun with you involved. =) Let's do it again some time soon.

Trust

2011-12-06T21:13:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since I've given this a deep thought, this event taught me that humans aren't meant to be trusted. Period.

My fellow colleague assured me twice or thrice that she'll be here to close today as I will be sending a child back which distance is 45minutes to and fro. Today, right before I get off class, she left. Not leaving a word, or any message, she just left. We waited and called and waited and called. The kid was new tears again, and I was having a panic attack; as I just told the mum that we'll be on time today.

Ended up she texted back 1/2 hour after closing, which is useless like shit. I was so upset and fed up when I had to disappoint the child and the mum to send the kid back half an hour later. I have no problem with that, but it indirectly made me break my promise.

The hour and journey through I cursed and cursed and wanted to kill people. WTH. Anyways I found my little childish way to get back to her and is now tied. Crap humans.

Names

2011-12-05T21:24:00.003+08:00

Ethan (3) has been really into Thomas the train. One day a few weeks ago he came to school and declared that his name is Thomas Lee.

He started insisting that he's Thomas Lee and nothing else. And the children quickly picked it up. One wanted to be a musketeer, one wanted to be Barbie, one wanted to be princess, one wanted to be Dora, it was a never ending battle trying to call out the right names all day long.

Then last week, 'Thomas' found new names, and he said, "My mummy is Emily, my daddy is Gordon." For those are Thomas train's friends' names. I told him Emily is Ezra's mother's name, and he was dumbfounded and unhappy. But the next day he told me there can be 2 Emily in our school.

Last week in class I gave out worksheets, and called out his name "Ethan" as written on the paper. "I'm Thomas." he insisted. And the other kids start to insist on their new names too. "I'm sorry, this paper here says Ethan and not Thomas, if you're Thomas you do not belong to this class you may leave now." He looked at me, pouted and gave it a deep thought. A short while later, "so are you Ethan or Thomas?" He quietly answered, "Ethan."

I talked to the mum and she said he calls the parents by their new names. Mum is Emily and Dad is Gordon Alex (Dad's name is Alex). Today he told me, "I got 3 Thomas trains at home. My Emily and Gordon gave it to me when I birthday."

Options

2011-12-05T21:21:00.003+08:00

Suddenly there were options.

It's weird, having to choose between what's best now, and what might be better later.

One is the dream, to go teach in Korea.

One is the money, to go teach in Singapore.

One is the current, to continue teaching here.

I like it here. But to fulfil a dream would be great. And to get more money would be ideal. But here it's awesome ideal and great too. It's just something I need to figure out. Soon.

So long

2011-12-01T20:57:00.003+08:00

Didn't quite feel it last night, but after a night of light sleep, I woke up being quite emotional about Jule's departure. We're not the bestest friends, I don't even know what's her favourite color, I hardly see her more than twice a year, but still. She's more family than friend. She's my first friend, we've been friends literally since forever ever existed. We're not close but we're close. I don't know...

I started weeping in the car, like an idiot. I guess the thought of not knowing when we'll really see each other anymore is scary. Someone I've known all my life is now moving across the globe to lead a very different and far away life, not going to see her in the coming new year and Chinese new year, not going to see her after 4 hours drive. It's all going to be different isn't it...

Places and People

2011-11-28T12:13:00.002+08:00

After a year being back in Penang, I'm still having 'culture shock' whenever I go shopping. True story.

For the past 4 and a half years in KL, I've became much more independent than the many years before in Penang, for I had to buy things, fix things, talk to people, do this, do that all by myself living without my parents. And in KL, there are so many kind of people (Chinese, Malay, Indian, foreigners, etc), that the society was to speak in English to anyone just to be safe. Even Chinese speaks English to Chinese people, cuz there are many bananas in KL, as a matter of factly.

In short, I've been somewhat 'programmed' to speak English to service providers, food sellers (exclude some minority hawkers which I have observed to speak certain languages eg Cantonese/ Mandarin) and all the random people (whom I may stop to ask direction etc) automatically.

But back in Penang, people speak Hokkien. Or Mandarin. It's the Pearl of Orient, or Island of Hokkien.

There was once in the beginning of the year when I went shopping and wanted to go into the fitting room when the person asked me how many pieces of clothing do I have in Hokkien, and I couldn't understand what was being said. I'm quite fluent in Hokkien as I speak it with my family and close friends, but then I was 'programmed' to use the English language to people in malls, especially the promoters and cashiers and all. I was actually in a temporary state of shock and disbelief that branded outlet promoters use Hokkien to customers. Weird, but true.

It's been almost a year back in Penang, and I still find it very hard to switch to the local culture. It's still weird and unnatural for me, to use other languages other than English to people (especially in malls). Mandarin is still ok, but Hokkien is a little just too much for me.

It's not like I cannot speak Mandarin, but am just automatically switched to the 'English mode' when I go to malls and places similar. Sometimes I wonder if people who are with me thinks that I'm trying to be a banana. Funny, but awkward. Moments I think I should put more effort in adapting to the local culture, but most of the times, nyeh, I think English is just fine.

relationship

2011-11-27T11:10:00.002+08:00

because each relationship is complicated.

when friends becomes family, or colleague

when colleague becomes friend, or family

either way, or in any way,

dual, or triple relationships always brings doom.

For its complication is too much for an average human being.

Yellow

2011-11-22T19:25:00.003+08:00

It was late. One more kid left in school.

I joined her in her little play. She enjoys me being there, I could feel it. She took more toys for me to play with her. more puppets and 3 yellow vehicles (2 boats and 1 wagon).

She laid the 3 vehicles down and asked,

"Which is the yellow one?"

I panicked. All of them were yellow. Is that a trick question? Is she trying to conduct a 'tell the color' game like adults would usually do to kids her age? Did I hear the right thing? Should I do like a therapeutic play agent asking her what I should do?

Hesitantly I picked up one of the boats which was closest to me, and handed it to her.

"Good, now take a yellow one."

OMG what is this?

Hesitantly I chose the other yellow boat.

"Yes," she said.

"Now, where is the yellow car?"

Very slowly again, I reached to pick up the only vehicle left on the floor, and handed it to her.

"OK."

Then she excused herself to get more vehicles, and she got 3, all of different colors.

*phew*

In the end I think she was trying to do a 'tell the colors' game like parents/ adults would usually quiz young kids like her. Cuz she was a little confused at the second 'yellow' question herself. Totally random and cute.

우린...

2011-11-21T22:08:00.002+08:00

우린

아직 친구사이니?

황당스러워서

4년전의 넌 그렇게 한심해. 난 죽을 때까지 용서 못하는것 같아.

가끔은 너를 생각나. 잘 지내지? 좋은 사람 됐었냐? 아직 그렇게 독하니? 난 너에게 뭐였어? 난 궁금한데 넌 나한데 궁금하니? 관심 있어지?

너에게 나 몰라.

so.

2011-11-21T13:36:00.002+08:00

so here it is.

i finally got the reply from the family.

it's a no-no cuz next year is apparently too late for them. i've wasted 2 weeks waiting for a nothing and they tell me they can't wait 6 weeks. i hope they find someone better than me, though that's not going to be a difficult thing.... sigh.

i'm kinda disappointed. kinda. a lot. but i'm glad the deal is finally off. at least i don't have to check my mail that frequently expecting a good reply.

it sucks. but such is life. i guess now i can plan my long vacation next year.

Erm

2011-11-20T14:14:00.002+08:00

Bought new slippers. Cuz my daisoRM5 one is sole-less and too slippery. Don't wanna die slipped over RM5.

Went to the store. Wanted blue and pink one, cuz it's so cool and yummily colored. But out of my size. So I opted for another one, none other caught my eyes except for the purple and pink one. So bought it cuz we were kinda in a hurry. It's nice. But my feet now looks so 娘.

Hair

2011-11-19T16:59:00.002+08:00

Ya'know the other day I went for my hair cut, after a gazillion years. LOL even the haircutter knew I haven't been trimming my hair for a very long time. He's a pro ok, he needn't had to ask this time, just commented that I have pretty ok hair, will be good if I use hair conditioner and hair cream after wash. WTH, is it that sad and obvious that I don't care about my hair anymore.

Anyways. I asked him if my face is suitable to have a short hair cut. He said because my hair is flat and straight, if I just cut it short it wouldn't be as nice, plus my face is the 'si wen' (bookish/nerd/ lame/ non aggressive/ aiya, no such word in english la) type. He took a long time to explain that he doesn't mean that 'si wen' face is not good. chiu. (why am i suddenly blogging in manglish i dunno)

Point is, if I want to cut it short, it will look better (more 'jing shen' than sleepy I guess) if I keep a longer fringe (to cheekbone), and dye it. gosh, as much as I want to try short hair while I'm still young, I kinda dread annoying in-the-face fringe, and dye? I have a wonderful hair color ok, don't understand why I need to dye it. We shall see.

princess

2011-11-15T23:03:00.003+08:00

last week has been a 'i wanna change' week. want new shoes, new flip-flops, new hair cut, new wardrobe, new food containers, new this new that. i wanted a drastic change, and for a coward me, wanting to have a drastic change doesn't happen everyday. i didn't do though, went for a haircut and kept the same hair, except it's much thinner and short.

met 2 princesses. envy but not envious of their lives. i dunno. some times i envy people for their ability to get expensive clothes and go expensive travels. but when i think about it, i dont understand why they make conventional choices with their money. rich people always turn uncool. the two princesses were pretty, not the kind that i would want to be though. as much as i wanna be, i'm still a 'cool'er person than a princess. not even close to a prince, i'm just a cool lay man.

Shhh

2011-11-15T20:18:00.003+08:00

Got an opportunity. Still 'begging' for it. Very confused now. To grab the chance, or stay put being happy and risk regretting. Haven't really told anyone anything yet, cuz it's not even 1% near coming true. Dreams are weird, sometimes they come too close you're afraid they might not be real, sometimes they are just so far away you'd wish they'd show themselves better.

-----

I love how it is now, yet some times I snooze too much. I have so much to do and all I do is keep rushing. Just like last night, I worked till over 10pm, doing all those minor stuff like cutting the kids art work and decorating the class. It's nothing compared to preparing class materials and looking after the kids or teach, but it's important enough to have to be done. It's frustrating... yet it's job, and it's kinda what I enjoy doing, would love it if I have time to do it during working hours. argh just some random rants, i love my job much.

a parent thought i'm 18. OMG can or not, so happy! thanks to my supper puffy messy new hair cut I guess. looks like a crazy person all day with the untame hair. but it's super light and it dries under an hour, best part is no forest of fallen hair on the floor everyday. I no like sleeping on jungle.

Attitude

2011-11-11T14:44:00.001+08:00

If you wanna have an attitude, make sure you're smart at it. Can't believe how stupid people can be.

Not that I'm angry, I'm just a little offended. And not to mention curious at your stupidity.

Story

2011-11-10T22:35:00.004+08:00

Our kids love stories, like really much. I'm trying to make it a deal to read a book everyday, so far the kids are enjoying it, be it the book read for the 1st time or 10th.

It's not the 1st time I've read it to my 2 year olds, in fact I've read it many many times. Today I decided to ask something else than usual. The picture as below:

After reading the text, I asked,

Me: So the little red hen found a grain. Do you think anyone's going to help? What's the dog doing?

KJ: It's sleeping!

Me: The dog is sleeping. What about the cat?

KJ: $%#^!@# is swinging!

Me: Yeah, the cat is swinging on the swing. What's the pig doing?

KJ: @&^%^#&%$@! in poo!

Me: The pig is rolling in poo?! *burst to laughter while the kids stare and the other crazily laughing teacher*

Menstrual

2011-11-10T22:32:00.002+08:00

Got it weird this time. Not much pain, but pretty much spent the whole day floating around with wobbly legs. It was that near pass-out feeling, but it just doesn't get worse to pass out, it's just that bad dizzy feeling, sparks in the visual field and blurry vision that's all.

I told the principal that I do pass out sometimes, very occasionally... but I'm fine. Just that today I felt the weird dizziness again.

Am wondering if it's hypotension. *shrug*

Need to see the doc? Maybe it's time to start eating the lingzhi and pollen pills again.

The curse is happenING

2011-11-02T19:56:00.004+08:00

I was pooping.

This might be a little gross, continue reading if you can stomach it and is bored.

I was reading while I poop. I usually do if I can grab something to read, because watching poop fall and water splash for 3 whole minutes is boring.

Then the water bucket which I was filling was full. I got up and turned the tap off. Got back to the toilet bowl and saw blood in the toilet bowl. Oh, my, freaking, goodness. PERIODDD?!?!!! No~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thousand thoughts ran through my mind, no it's just wednesday, oh no not enough pads, what not that time of that month again, argh i hate periods, why no tummy ache?

And suddenly it hit me, it might be pile ( that little extra 'meat' in your asshole)! One close relative just went for surgery because of it and it was so painful and uncomrotable physically and psychologically! Oh no NOT ME!

I stopped reading and continue pooping while observing if it's period or pile. I guess that's why people often advise against reading while pooping, cuz you can't see what's happening until it's too late.

To my shock, there was no more blood dripping, which means it might be piles! The curse is on! I've had a little bump in the asshole since I was young, but it never bled, NEVER! Almost my entire family is cursed with the evilness of piles but mine has NEVER EVER BLED! I opted to believe that mine was a friendly pile (which doesn't really exist), but it is an EVIL BLEEDING PILE! ARRRRGGHHHH!! I DOWAN!!!!!

Work Injury

2011-11-02T19:51:00.002+08:00

Monday:

A boy was swinging his water bottle, which is actually a metal flask (read: solid and really heavy), when I bent over to pick up the toys without noticing him, and wham! the bottle totally slammed on my arm. No bruise, but this is day3 and it still hurts like a big fat bruise on the upper arm.

Wednesday:

Playing with kid. Kid got excited, bit me on the shoulder. Not bleeding, but almost. Not extremely painful, but it's not perfectly fine. I pretended to cry, he helped me to apply medicine, I sent him home.

This is a high risk job. Like seriously. Plus I'm a clumsy person, it makes the job like rank4 danger.

If human wounds wouldn't heal, I'd be either dead or paralysed by now. Thank goodness in the magical healing power we have.

Camp

2011-11-01T21:47:00.003+08:00

(Should post pictures of the awesomeness of the event, but pictures are with one of the participants as my camera went for a little holiday, oh well)

Organized a little camp/sleepover at home over the weekend. It wasn't grand, only 10 people including myself, but it was kinda fun, and I think it has met the objective.

I started thinking about it when I realized that many of our family gatherings are actually "bring your tech gadget and face the screen" sessions, that all of us will play with our own machine at the same venue and time. iPhone, iTouch, laptop, iPad, play station, you name it; everyone would have their own thing to face and there'll be minimal conversations. So we came up with this camping/ sleepover thingy, smart phones, gadgets, and screeny stuff were banned. LOL

The boys were a little too excited and out of control, but basically I think the event went fine. We slept in the hall, with blankets hanging over some of our heads, and having them falling down in the middle of the night (you have to be there to witness the madness and dust like seriously).

We played games which forced us to be silly, creative, and most importantly get to know each other better.

We should do it again! With more people maybe. Some of the kiddos missed out cuz they're having exams, or well, just too grown up to hang out with us anymore.

三分钟先生

2011-11-01T21:36:00.003+08:00

Just finished watching the Hong Kong Movie 三分钟先生 (Mr 3 minutes?). It's a funny, entertaining yet meaningful movie. A little bit like Adam Sandler's movies genre. Very interesting. =)

Weird, but so crazy true

2011-11-01T18:56:00.003+08:00

It's that omgIwannaKillMyselfButThisIsSoComforting feeling, when I wipe my sweaty nose on my sleeve after work, and realize it smells like the kiddo. It's like eewww, and awww altogether.

You and Me

2011-10-29T13:57:00.002+08:00

Some days I get so frustrated at the kids, and adults too, for being so stubborn.

They don't see the whole picture at all. I can't understand why they can't just stand at my point of view and see what I am seeing. Then I realize by being angry at them for not seeing my point of view, I'm also the stubborn one who refuses to see the matter from their point of view.

I guess frustration happens because both parties refuse to see each others' point of view. If only one person would, there'll be no problem.

Msg

2011-10-25T21:29:00.003+08:00

Dear friend

I wanted to mail you and tell you about it, but figured it might not be a good time, for this is some good news, though it's more of a bad news for me...

So here goes. Good news is, I'm promoted. Bad news is, I don't think I want to be.

It happened too abruptly, and although it's my first promotion, I don't think that's the right way to do it. I don't like the way it's done and I'm not sure if I can choose if I want the position or not. With the responsibilities and no raise. Haha, yes I do value more money over more responsibilities or status. But I understand the reason behind 'no pay rise', just not too sure if I'm in to the promotion or not. Of course it's good 'career progression', but it might be progressing too fast.

Urgh, I'm confused as ever. Hope you can help, somehow...

Like

2011-10-22T17:01:00.003+08:00

Liking a picture in facebook means so many things.

I like your picture

I like your expression

I like the colors

I like the caption

I agree with the caption

I appreciate the effort in taking the picture

Nicely arranged picture

It's a nice update from you

The picture reminds me of a good moment

I'm in the picture

You look goofy/interesting/stupid in the picture

Because I wanna show that I've seen the picture

It's your birthday, I have to like something about you and your picture is fine

Selamat Pagi Terima Kasih

2011-10-21T17:36:00.002+08:00

The kids always confuse between both phrases, maybe because they have the same number of phonemes in both words. So.

The other day the kid was trying to rush her way out of the class, I said, "Terima kasih Cate," and she quickly replied, "Terima sakit cikgu."

water please

2011-10-20T19:01:00.001+08:00

urgh it's like bad karma.

i just reprimanded the kids for being rude, and now after a long day of work, i want to take a shower, no water comes out of the entire freaking house. grrr. I thought every house will have a tank of water reserved for rainy days like this. it's literally raining outside too. gosh. i can feel every bit of the sweat on me. disgusting. blerh~

Successful. Define.

2011-10-19T22:13:00.003+08:00

Some days I click on my FB friends' profiles and check out what they're doing. Are they furthering their studies? Are they still whining about exams? Are they working? Are they traveling overseas?

Sometimes I realize that many of my age, are successfully working in big companies, some even in big companies overseas. They work with a team of ang mohs, they go to big restaurants that we've never heard the names before, they seemed successful.

I get envious, of how the same batch of people (me and them) could end up in so different places. They're successful at such a young age, lead a team of caucasions and westerners, earn big bucks, eat expensive, while I earn so little, eat cheap bread, and lead a team of nobody, and is doing a job which the society thinks is 'easy' and 'worthless'. I get envious, of how they have so much to spend while I don't. I get envious, I'm sure people would praise them for being so successful at such young age, and look at them with admiration.

But I ask myself if that's what I want. And I know this is good enough. To know that I may be a small fry who makes a meaningful difference to tomorrow's world, not economically, not technically, but morally and for the society's well being as a whole. I may not achieve the goal so big, but at least I know my place and meaning very well. And I'm comfortable being not rich and not looked upon. =)

grr

2011-10-19T20:13:00.001+08:00

fed up with the newly bought laminator that has broken down for the second time. i have no understanding of how many times a brand new machine can break down every single time it's used, and it's barely a week since its purchase.

I totally wrote a nice email to scold the person in charge. how can a person sell a stupid faulty machine to a school. it's as if we don't have anything better to do than to chase around a faulty machine. grrr

Miss out

2011-10-18T20:07:00.002+08:00

The children grow so quickly everyday. It's as if I'd miss out so much if I'd stop seeing them for a day. I want to be there all the time, yet work is sometimes so overwhelming I would be busy printing, photocopying, washing, cleaning up, packing and all you name it worthless things... while I miss out enjoying the children grow.

I've learned to slow down. Just pause with the work, and spend time with the children, be it listen to their mumble over and over again, play with them even it's the same movement for 200 times, or just be there with them when they joke or fall or just want to be. =)

I'd stop doing 'work' and just kneel down to listen to the child whine, or give a little cuddle, or just peep over the shelf to watch the children building their world of play so imaginatively.

Bits

2011-10-18T20:00:00.002+08:00

revision is usually relaxed, but boring, cuz it's the same thing, but with the 'not again?' feeling.

it never failed to surprise me, the little comments that the children add in during revision, of little facts and information that I have added in during class weeks or months ago, when they appeared to be disinterested and bored and not listening.

They don't remember the big main facts that I try to push in their face every day for a week, but it's so cute and touching when they remember the little facts that I randomly add in 'FYI'. They've been listening and learning after all.

Dream

2011-10-17T19:03:00.002+08:00

I dreamed of a man, and a boy.

It was a vivid dream, but the moment the alarm clock rang, all I remembered was the man and the boy who weren't main characters in the dream. They were friends of friends, sitting at another table in the restaurant, sort of a background kind of character, but the impression of them was so deep.

They were not a happy pair of father and sound. They were not important, but they left deep impression. I dreamed of them.

Farming

2011-10-17T13:10:00.002+08:00

I found the organization and program that would take me in. It's the almost perfect program to go work and soak myself in the Korean culture. I can choose the duration, I can choose the place, but it's all about organic farming. How can a person like me who is so scared of plants and worms and what not go farming for half a year?... I'm so dead. I wanna go, yet I foresee dreadedness and disgust in my future 6 months of work.

Nothing beats a fresh yummy ice cold kopi-peng to kickstart a wonderful sunday morning

2011-10-16T11:27:00.002+08:00

a trip to the market is not awesome when it's about rubbing shoulders, arms and legs with sweaty marketing people. Plus the slippery wet floor with splashing fish juice everywhere at the fish section...

but it's all worth it when it's topped with an awesome take-away pack of kopi-peng!!

Words

2011-10-14T13:28:00.003+08:00

I know you don't mean it. But your words hurt me too much sometimes. Tho I wanna chose to believe that it's all for my own good.

听说

2011-10-13T21:27:00.004+08:00

just finished watching the taiwanese movie '听说' on PPS. lately i've been watching movies cuz dramas are draggy and so predictive. well, movies are predictive too, but nyeh, they're done in less than 2 hours.

so. the guy is cute the girl is cute. and the storyline makes good sense. =) so nice not because of the pretty actors but because of the life and morale in the movie. go watch ok.

the guy is my new love ok. =P saw him in a pathetic movie but he was cute then. LOL so now he's even cuter. *wink*

If

2011-10-13T13:58:00.003+08:00

If only 'if's can become true. ... then life can be corrected when time is turned back.

Yesterday and today has been down days which induced me with large volumes of guilt and self-doubt. I went to work on Monday with sore tonsils and went to the doc which told me I'm fine to work; but I didn't think of telling the doc I work with very young children all day long. I was physically energetic and fine, except for the hoarse voice so I continued to work.

I wanted to be helpful, because it's always chaotic and stressful when one person doesn't show up at work either due to illness or just taking a happy day off. I wanted to be helpful on the Monday which the principal is not around, I wanted to be helpful on the Tuesday the cook is absent due to sickness, I wanted to be helpful on the Wednesday the cook is going for a medical checkup. But all I did was not helpful, it's all somehow or other causing the children to fall sick.

I tell myself they get sick all the time, but now I can't pretend it's none of my fault when the children come in with a cough, or runny nose, or stays at home with a fever. The germ is spreading in the school quickly, and whether or not it started from me, I was made to believe that I'm the cause.

If only I'd stay at home for a few days, if only I'd take a medical leave and just let the remaining staff handle the children, if only I'd think less of myself and trust that the people can handle it like they always do... then no one would get sick. No children nor teacher will get sick because of me. ... No time to regret though. I'm sure the guilt would remind me to just stay put at home the next time a germ comes around.

Voice (2)

2011-10-12T13:38:00.002+08:00

Just a couple of days ago, I asked Edwin, "Do I sound different, or is it just me?" when he replied, "It's just you teacher, it's just you."

This morning my voice haven't recovered, I walked into the class with inability to raise my voice nor talk in my normal pitch. After a few conversations, Edwin popped the question.

Edwin: Teacher, why did you change your voice?

Me: I didn't change my voice. I just have a sore throat.

Edwin: A sore throat?

Me: Well, not a real sore throat, cuz my throat is not sore...

Edwin: A 'kae' sore throat? (kae: the word for 'fake' in Hokkien)

Me: Kae?

Edwin: Do you have a kae sore throat? not a real one?

Me: LOL yeah.

Voice

2011-10-11T21:59:00.002+08:00

This throat infection and hoarseness has really taught me something. But how long does the lesson learned effect last, we shall see.

The thing bout hoarseness is that sounds produces in high pitches are not produced, only the low timbers can be heard. So, working in a preschool with loads of active 2 year olds, yelling is my thing, because it's loud and sharp, it gets the kids attention in a snap. But heck, the inflammation has killed my ability to talk in loud voice, and no yelling.

A little joke:

Yesterday I noticed my voice getting worse, I walked into the 4 year old class and asked,

"Children, do I sound different, or is it just me? "

Edwin cool-ly told me, "It's just you teacher, it's just you."

OMG this kid! That's the thing about kids, they're so random and hilarious.

Anyways. This morn I was pouring a kid his drink when the 2 year old came and shook my hands for attention. I 'yelled'. "HEY! WHY DID YOU SHAKE MY HANDS SEE ALL THE WATER SPILLED AND WET EVERYWHERE SAY SORRY TO YOUR FRIEND!" At normal circumstances that should be loud and shocking due to its speed produced, but today it's just the kid staring at my moving mouth without any voice coming out. The kid actually was dumbfounded by my screaming face and screaming mouth but no voice coming out.

So yeah, you can imagine how my day is when trying to call a kid or tell them to stop/ start doing something. It's like I need to pause, take a deep breath and use my low manly voice.

The moral of the 'story' is that, I realize, most times, although yelling is much faster and convenient, children appreciate it when I don't go loud and react so fast. They actually appreciate it and listened to me when I spoke slowly and very very softly (because no sound coming out WTH). And I became more relaxed instead of upset about every small thing the kid does (side effect of trying to pretend that I'm not happy with the misbehavior). Of course at emergency moments I wouldn't be able to do anything much from afar because yelling would be more efficient to stop a kid from harming another kid, but oh well what to do. ...

Pain~

2011-10-11T21:50:00.001+08:00

Just a moment ago I posted on FB: after 2 magic pills that worked miraculously (antibiotics), i feel perfectly fine. except that when I open my mouth to speak or sing, nothing much comes out... I love my monster voice. =D

Then my tonsils started to ache again. Argghhh! I want them numbed for goodness sake!

Medical Cert

2011-10-10T21:59:00.002+08:00

Before leaving the doc's room he asked me, "do you need MC or stuff like that?"

I actually went to get an MC to sleep through the afternoon, but my pride and ego took place faster and said, "I should be fine right?"

God damn me. So I didn't get any.

Towards the end of the day my voice got really bad, I think only half of my sentences were heard-able, like every alternate word/ phoneme would be soundless, and the listener would have to guess what I'm saying. It's been bad all day, but I've never experience this bad. There's practically no sound coming out at moments..

So I decided to go back to the clinic to ask for the MC. But guess what, by the time all the kids got back, the clinic was closed. WTH! I was like, ok, if it's closed already then I'll go tomorrow morning if I haven't got better. But then it's closed TUESDAY. OMG Why is this happening to me? Now all I can do it stab ~~myself~~ my pride and pray that my voice would come back tomorrow for the phonics class cuz I need to read and sing and say many many things.

Sometimes I just wished that I'd be strong enough to admit that I'm not superwoman, strong enough to fall back and rely on the team of people I'm working with knowing they'll do just fine without me. Strong enough to admit that, hey, I'm important, but not in-disposable.

Tonsils

2011-10-10T21:47:00.003+08:00

Swollen since Friday. Today it got really bad I totally lost my voice so I went to the doctor. Infection, not serious he said, but hard to get rid of without antibiotics, so here I am with some yummy lozenges and antibiotics.

I told him about the ear pain which came back this morn. Nothing wrong with the ear he said, but he gave me ear-drops anyway. What a doctor man.

Funny how this doc is such a visual person. He explained how my tonsils are in a drawing, and brought a mirror for me to check myself, even helped me see better holding the torchlight WTH. Then he explained what an ear canal is and what an inner ear is using the diagram thingy. Walao eh, I'm sure it's very helpful to many people who don't always understand what the doctor says. But it's cool. I mean, not insulted by being assumed not knowing the structure of the ear, but this is the 1st time I've met a doc who actually took the effort to make it really clear to me what's happening. =)

So yeah, my tonsils are infected, I'm now coughing like a crazy person holding my throat just in case my tonsils would explode when they vibrate. I mean, what's the benefits of big tonsils anyways? They make me snore like a train, give me tonsil problems (first time inflammation though), and now larger surface area for the virus to attack meaning more pain for me? Gosh. Someone should poke it with a needle, make it burst already. But then all the germy bacteria-lized blood will pop and flow into my throat and down my tummy ewwwwwwwww. Ok, maybe I'll just have the antibiotics and kill the germs and keep the tonsils.

USM Students Most Wanted concert

2011-10-09T16:28:00.003+08:00

Last night I attended the first concert of my life. Nope, not super hit Korean stars, not over 200bucks ticket, but it was utterly awesome. It's a 10bucks ticket university students musical concert, more of the music appreciation kind rather than the rise and jump to the beats like mad, but it was definitely a concert.

The event was supposed to start at 7.30pm, oh well, to be fair, they started playing the advertisement videos at 7.30pm sharp. But then we were left to wait again, by the time the event director, and assistant, and very important guest and yada yada yada people get up the stage to lecture and receive presents it was my bedtime already. Nah, just kidding, but it was very late alright.

As soon as the music started to roll, it was amazing. Like phenomenal kind of amazing. The voices were beautiful, the musicians were awesome (well, maybe except that first violinist who kinda screwed up perhaps due to stage fright or crowd fright), the in-between sketches were creative, original and so funny! I can't say for every single audience, but I and most people sure had good laughs and didn't want the show to end!

What made the show even more special and meaningful to me was that there was a little video of our school's children telling who they love and how they show love. Aww, the kids did really well, and kudos to the photographer and the editor who made the video looked so fantastic and heart warming. =) I was all smiles, mouth hanging ear to ear throughout the video.

I was truly inspired, at the same time felt so little. Inspired by how a bunch of students can come together and produce such wonderful music and show, all through their own efforts by means of their own, driven by dream and passion. Felt so little knowing that I'm so capable yet not-driven and incapable.

It was the RM10 most well spent.

My So-called love

2011-10-07T21:36:00.002+08:00

Yeah, just spent the last 2 hours watching the Taiwanese movie "my so called love", totally worthless to watch ok. I thought the time is already 11+ but it's barely 10pm yet. I watched it because of the 2 main actors, LOL which I think were cute, and saw some promos on talk shows, but nyeh, it's sad and lost.

The story can actually be cut short into 30minutes or less. Of course, it's based on a real story and the background of the main character is sad and stuff, but as a movie it sucked. There was no connection, no meaning, no explanation, no understanding. And all the actors couldn't really portray what they're supposed to be in the movie. So it was a little too difficult to figure out what's the movie about without reading lotsa lotsa write ups on the movie.

So yeah.

The kid

2011-10-05T20:01:00.003+08:00

There's a new kid. By right he should be my favourite, for 1) he's a boy. I've always loved boys and be neutral with girls until they are obsessed with princess and pink stuff. Anyways. 2) he's Korean and speaks only Korean. By right he should be my favourite. By right. But he's not. And I've never realized it until just a moment ago.

I was contemplating about what happened this morning, when he elbowed me a few times. I told him to stop once or twice before he elbowed me real hard and hit my glasses off my nose. So it was a really hard and purposeful elbow from him, I raised my voice and said, "hey!"

In his registration form, he's sensitive to loud voice, which I thought was the weirdest little 'allergy' ever, but today I've realized what's his deal about. Back to the topic.

He started crying for mum. WTH. It was like the fakest and loudest cry ever. He cried for so long so long, until another teacher came to rescue him, but of course I wouldn't allow. I insisted that he stood facing me and kept asking him to stop faking and apologize. Of course I was wrong for being offended by his little naughty behavior, but I was calm enough not to yell or strangle him to silence. I tell you, dealing with uber naughty kids has really put my patience to test. Grrr.

But the incident came and went, as I have classes to go to. Then, about 2 hours later, after school hours ended waiting to go home, the kid 'disobeyed' the rule by driving the little car in the classroom. It's always been banned most probably because they might drive and fall over the step and kill themselves WTH.

So I told him not to, and put the car down. He was rather rude, yelled "싫어"(dont want in Korean) and shot me that nasty look. I didn't give up, I told him calmly, "싫어? Then you go sit on the naughty chair. Mummy is here, get the car down." Guess what he did? He smiled like an angel and pulled the car down like nothing happened. Walao-eh~

So I was watching some boring movie and going through what happened this morning and realized, hey I've never really wanted to go near him unless necessary. It rarely happens with kids, I mean this not-liking feeling. Even some random kids on the road would attract me and make me want to go tickle or have fun with them, but not this one. Oh well. I guess I have to make myself know him better and learn to like him... =( What a little devil. To come to the think about it, my unconscious is really that powderful. LOL

Ok la this post is not about the naughty kid but to show off my super power hahahhahahahaahha

狮子座的缺点

2011-10-04T22:23:00.001+08:00

1、很懒，没事几乎不出门；
2、爱发呆；
3、擅长装傻，其实心里都明白，只是不愿意说出来；
4、与老友只想念不联系；
5、很情绪化；
6、双重人格；
7、有自己的一套原则，我行我素；
8、有时很糊涂，反应慢半拍；
9、特别敏感，脆弱；
10、对自己不感兴趣的人很冷漠，毫不掩饰。

So lazy

2011-09-30T20:05:00.001+08:00

So lazy to go grocery shopping for school.

So lazy to go see the doctor to check up on the aching ear.

So lazy to write reports and prepare worksheets for next week.

So lazy. To do anything...

KL

2011-09-29T20:21:00.002+08:00

Some people run away and be glad that they're gone from hell. Some people run away and realize they've ran into the real hell.

5 years ago I was sick of this place, I wanted to run away from all the nasty people and be free from all the suffocation. For 1 good year I was happy and free, I lived like there's no worries, gotten so fat, and that might have been a good sign instead of something to worry about. Anyways.

The following 3 years were set after a foolish decision, it wasn't a favourite adventure, but it passed nonetheless. But it has made the city a dreaded place. I longed to run away from where I have ran away to. I guess that one decision which I regretted has changed what I think of this place ever since. If not of that decision, I wouldn't have wanted to stay back here, I might have wanted to remain in the city instead.

midnight randomness

2011-09-29T20:05:00.002+08:00

made hole-y cups for tomorrow's special water games.

went to the toilet to test the size of the water balloon, threw and ran, threw and ran. LOL if someone would see it I'd be thought as cuckoo. but it was so random and fun.

then felt like brushing the toilet bowls. Grrr. The weird thing about this round's PMS is I just felt like cleaning. OMG, weirdest thing ever cuz I've always hated cleaning, but this time I've 'rubbed' the tables, cleaned the toilet bowls.... What an OCD PMS.

------

Free play time:

the 4 year olds are at the cooking mood again. Dan took order from teacher G, turned around and asked me in explosive enthusiasm and excitement: Teacher KC 你要吃什么东西？你要吃什么东西？你要吃什么东西？

(He's someone who speaks Mandarin at home, so he habitually speaks Mandarin to me when he's supposed to speak in English)

So I lazily, "huh?" pretending I don't know Mandarin.

It took him less than a second to restate, "Teacher KC, do you want to eat some dong see?"

OMG this kid, made me totally LOL.

Elmo

2011-09-29T14:03:00.001+08:00

The kiddo brought a really nice shirt today. Nice because I have the same one. =) Mother and son couple-T? Awesome, next time I'll get my own kid one and we'll wear it on the same day. =)

The Joker

2011-09-27T22:18:00.002+08:00

Walking on the road, the brother and I were talking about first names and last names, and middle names.

Him: You know I have a friend who has a Christian name, it makes his Chinese name the middle name.

Me: How?

Him: His first name is Joshua, last name is Lim, middle is Ee Wei, so becomes Joshua Ee Wei Lim.

Me: Ya, it's like that, same like Ivy and Andrew. Andrew Chi Kit Huang. By the way I know that friend of yours too.

Had enough

2011-09-27T18:50:00.002+08:00

Urgh, it's been such a long day. Towards the end of the day I totally lost it. I held down and it rebounded up up high, I ran away from the kids to keep my mind cool. Such a horrible temper...

Little thoughts

2011-09-25T15:06:00.005+08:00

- I realized how literal I have been. And naive too. (Many thanks to the kiddos) Often times I see matters and what's said from the much simpler (and literal) perspective, yet when combined with my naturally complicate-inclined perspective, it's such an interesting view sometimes.

- answered a call from a parent-wanna-be, and reprimanded me for charging such costly school fees. I was like WTH woman, if you don't have the ability just shut it and stop wanting to send you kid to an expensive school you rich-person-wanna-be. But I quietly said nothing but 'yea, yea, yea' because the customer is always right. =( And she's kinda right for our fees are more expensive than others.

- i don't think i'm socially incapable. it's just that I tell myself that too much. why am I whining about not having friends when all the people here are available to be friends with me. I just need to start trying.

- pictures, be it drawn or taken with the camera, they're my new hobby now. not so much blogging anymore, but producing pictures. I've got nice marker pens, I've got a nice camera. I just need to go out and make some pictures.

- digital photos and editing. I'm into lomo-fying pictures now, but I still feel like I'm cheating whenever I edit the color, brightness and other details of the photos I took just so they can look nicer. But I don't know. If photography is about snapping and editing, or just composing and snapping.

- supposed to host an indoor camping last night, but nobody turned up. was too stuck to the computer to set up the 'tent', but didn't matter anyways for some guests were sleeping over, ended up 'camping' in mum's room...

- have been so stressed for the past week. stressed over work for no apparent reason yet doesn't feel the kick to work. I blame it on the hormones, hopefully it's just that.

- I am not stubborn, or so I think. but I have my principles. And when I'm forced to do things, I rebel by being stubborn sticking to the opposite way, even though it may not be what I wanted in the first place.

Depression

2011-09-21T13:48:00.003+08:00

I suspect one of the 3 year olds is having depression. But then again, I'm not too sure if it's just an attention seeking behavior or she's really in need of help.

The child is very emphatic, feels very sad when she watches movies/ cartoons that hit each other/ falls down (think: Tom and Jerry). She feels sad and pain when her friend complains of pain in the hand/body. She cries when she's left alone (still within sight, but not 100% attention), and cries in worry that her parents will not come pick her up from school (though she's assured a gazillion times a day).

Somehow I feel that it's her way of trying to seek attention, but seeing how she's so sensitive to rejection and fear of being abandoned, the extreme sadness that she portrays in the blink of an eye really scares me. I used to see joy in her, but now, I am not sure if she's happy. I think I need to talk to someone about this, just to have a clearer picture of depression in young children, before consulting the parents and scare them away.

Hey!

2011-09-18T14:38:00.004+08:00

I never did, and sometimes a little regret that I never did, announce that I'm a preschool teacher. It has always been my dream job to be one, and I'm glad that I decided to be one for it's one of the best jobs in the world. And I'm so proud to be a preschool teacher.

Being a preschool teacher is awesome, I get paid for playing. I bring fun and joy and knowledge to people. It's as good as, or even better, than being a psychologist or a mental health professional, which is only one of the super many things a psychology major can venture into. So please stop judging with your wrongly stereotypical minds! It's nothing weird or lowly or wrong about it, so stop giving me that look or question that makes you sound stupid and makes me wonder why I bother to know people like you. Please.

Yet another inferiority complex post

2011-09-16T20:40:00.002+08:00

This morning I volunteered to help out in a tele-match game at an orphanage. it was a friend's church activity, so the other people were all unknown strangers who were Christians. Not that religion was a huge point here.

Several people came to talk to me. Perhaps they're not very talkative but friendly people. After a few questions, we got stuck and awkward silence grew and then we just pretend that nothing happened and just drift apart quietly. All the same for the 3 different times people came up and tried to be friendly.

I remembered the night when the brother came to laze on our bed. Sheepishly I asked him if I'm too immature for my age, if I'm bad at socializing. He asked me why I felt so inferior all of a sudden, I pretended to be too sleepy to answer, when I was actually too scared tears would fall I just turned over and pretended to doze off.

I remembered the post on feeling inferior and not worthy. I thought of the many counselling sessions which led me to nothing perhaps nothing much but temporary enlightenment. I have always been feeling inferior, unworthy and insecure, and not confident. It's just that sometimes I just ignore it and pretend to be great when nobody is watching, or just trick myself into believing that I'm actually not.

I hate telling myself that I'm not good enough. I hate hearing myself say things like, if only you'd stay at home everything would be fine, you wouldn't have to feel so terrible. I hate telling myself that I've done well after a meeting when I know very well that I've sucked through it. I like being with people, but I hate that inferior feeling that grows in me whenever I'm with them. I know I need to get over with it, but how.

Random notes

2011-09-15T21:04:00.003+08:00

Sucky Notes:

1. Life sucks when I need to apologize for something that's not my fault. Life is never fair, but what is overworking for someone who snoozes off during peak hours?

2. Volunteered to be a helper for the children's telematch event. But just realized I didn't bring my sports shoes. Have been driving it around for the past few months and never really used it, this week I signed up for the event I changed another car cuz mine was sent to the workshop...

Yummie Notes:

1. What's half an hour drive to, half an hour drive back, when I can enjoy blissful dinner with the brother, even if it's just by the roadside eating economic noodles.

2. Parked the car by the road, paid the so-friendly-it-almost-felt-creepy illegal parking jaga guy half price just because he thought we're students (Well, the brother is a student), and he thinks Chinese should help Chinese (WTH). He kept reminding us that the stall is closed on Thursday, kept reminding, kept reminding. And never to forget he kept chanting buddhism verses to bless us. He was so overly friendly he could almost pass as an insane person.

3. I might be the most loosely wired teacher! But the kids are fine with that, so why am I not?

4. I'm secretly rejoicing when walk-in parents think I'm the head of the school. Not that I want to be (cuz I hate the detailed work that I need to do), but just glad that I have that trustability sense... =)

down

2011-09-13T21:24:00.001+08:00

my laptop is fixed. the internet connection is always: "Connected to xxx, Signal: Excellent!" but there are no receiving bytes! Gosh I've been off internet with the stupid laptop for 3 days now.

Grrr. Perhaps it's time to send it to a real doctor instead of self- medicating... After all it's been sick and well again for several times over the 5 years it's been alive...

Party

2011-09-11T10:26:00.002+08:00

Yet another mid autumn festive celebration. It's been 3 this year, it's a blessing I guess... First one at home, second in school, third one in Marcus's church.

It's been utmost awkward, but not as bad as I pictured it to be. Perhaps I should have prepared myself and be positive, psych myself and get over with it with a light mood. But I didn't. I finished meeting up with the boss, got stuck in the jam, reached there a little dizzy (again). I told myself I'm just stressed, I should relax and be fine. I ate some food and got invited to talk to, and felt much better. Perhaps it was due to hunger, which my tummy has failed to tell me. Anyways.

After a short chat, I was requested to go explain what Musikgarten is about to 2 mummies, which was totally weird, but I did it, cuz I am weird. Let me explain, it is already weird to be at a party which I know no one well, and just float around wishing to be invisible, plus I need to answer some very surface talk with some random kind person, then have to explain some work related stuff and talk to a parent about how the child is in school...

We played a game, which I have failed my group terribly, but nonetheless fun. Then sang praise and workship and listened to testimonials. Then I was finally free to go. It was like the most thank goodness thing to see Auntie G.Hong at home. It was such a comfort than going back to an otherwise empty house. Some light conversations really took my mind off the stressful event...

I'm good with kids. I should tell myself I'm good with peers and adults too. It's just a party, and I'm going to get good at it. Though some simple analysing would reveal that I have regressed in my social skills, I'm going to get better at this.

Kids and Pegs

2011-09-10T11:22:00.002+08:00

At work now. Suddenly teh kids are pegging the pegs on their hair. 3 boys and 1 girl. Gone mad. But happily mad. =)

Skinny

2011-09-09T22:06:00.004+08:00

Flipping through photos, I realized how much I have slimmed down. I wasn't fat, but I was much chubbier in the past few years than I was in high school. After I started working in the "gym" (read: preschool), I didn't lost no weight, but have just slimmed down.

family, friends, colleagues and students' parents comment that I have slimmed down to become so thin after I've started working but I've never 'realized' it until recently. I did notice that my waist has became smaller as my pants (which I all bought before I started to work) are now very loose, but nothing else changed.

Until I saw the pictures. Note that I've been the photographer in many occasions and there has been fewer photos of me so. I saw photos of me, candid ones, and realized how boney I've been. I mean, I'm happy that people say that I'm skinnier, I mean, I'm more confident when I need to do certain movements that will show my tummy line, or you know, that would have shown my now non-existant flabby parts. But gosh I look horribly boney. No wonder people say I'm thin! I'm boney thin! It's like eww thin.

If I keep thinking that I need to eat less and keep fit I'll almost be anorexic my goodness. Our school has a weighing scale to weigh the children biannually, the teachers use it sometimes to weigh ourselves. But my weight has never dropped. Only 1 kg so far, and has remained the same since March. A dear colleague shrieked in curiosity when she knew my weight, as i really do not look so heavy. Anyways. No plans to soak in oil yet, but still. something to keep in mind.

Shopping

2011-09-09T22:03:00.003+08:00

The other day I went shopping. I was standing in the women's clothing department and scanning through all the clothes and discount signs like I always do. It's been a habitual thing, to use the money I have, to eat or buy clothes; when a thought suddenly hit me.

Why am I standing here trying to buy clothes? I have loads of clothes at home, too much in fact. I don't go out very often, I don't need to wear my own clothes very often. And even if I do, I always wear the same few pieces that I like and feel most comfortable in. what's the point of buying more that will eat up more of my very limited space, and not wearing them?

it got me wondering when i've started to hop on the bandwagon to shop and shop and shop for things I don't need...

Work and Me

2011-09-09T21:42:00.002+08:00

We got locked out of the room the other day. The night I broke the laminator and damned the copy machine and got my computer virusified. We opted to sleep in the children's nap room, slept on the children's little beds, used my dirty blanky for blanket, while the roomie used the freshly washed curtain for blanket. Totally pathetic but was so fun. Too bad I was too exhausted to enjoy it longer than 5minutes.

The very next morning I wore shorts to work. Super short shorts WTH, beach wear kinda flowery, and splits up high in the thigh, I'm pretty sure if I bend over my butt can fall out, but what to do, it's better than pant-less. Anyways. The very kind and manly colleague (thank goodness for having him at work!) climbed up the roof to get the keys through the window. So dangerous, but so thankful cuz then I got to change into work pants and be comfy.

Anyways, that day was the utmost important day ever in my working history up till now, cuz it was our school's first ever huge event at night celebrating mid Autumn festival. All the parents and children and other family members and guests were coming. So we rehearsed the children's performance all morning, prepared food in the afternoon and partied all evening and cleaned up all night long! it was the best party ever. Our children performed really really well for young kids who have just practiced a few times throughout the 3 days. =)

Parents were happy, so were kids. Our 2 year old class did fairly well in the dance although most of them just stood there and go blank when the song came up. Anyways. the proudest thing is still teaching the full day kids SuperJunior's Sorry Sorry dance, which was a great hit, easy to learn and the kids and parents loved it to bits!

then the next morning overslept by 5 minutes, went to work 10% asleep. =P
This morning forgot to turn on the alarm, woke up half an hour late to fetch the kiddo, ran like stupid crazy! Then at noon my foot hurt more, felt dizzy and wanted to vomit. The colleagues fetched my kid, got me lunch and warm water, and I got to nap while the kids nap. I think the nap helped a bit. Woke up not dizzy anymore, with good appetite but still with the occasionally weird ear and more painful foot. Might go to the doctor tomorrow... we'll see.

So that's it. No computer, no reports to write up, but lotsa health problems that got people worried for no reason. =P Ooh, and weird dreams too, but that's a story for another time. =)

People and Machines

2011-09-06T21:29:00.002+08:00

It's a hard day at work trying to make the children practice and rehearse for tomorrow's big performance. After work I did some last minute touch up, printed and cut some pictures, wanted to laminate, but it BROKE DOWN. The laminator practically literally really melted and ate up the entire piece of A3 sheet! We took out the machine piece by piece and couldn't fix it.

Then I wanted to photocopy some of the phonics materials for Thursday. But the copy machine BROKE DOWN on me. Couldn't copy a shit.

Then I went back to my laptop to check on my downloading video for tomorrow's Mandarin presentation (read: Mandarin is totally not my department but I'm just trying to be helpful can die or not) when the screen appeared an anti-virus software, which I never had any in years! And apparently it's virus. Cuz I couldn't operate a thing in my laptop. So DOWN goes my stupid laptop, on the night before a huge event which I'm in charge of music effects.

Then I opted to go get the company's extra laptop which is covered in thick dust, but no password. Freaking password. Gosh I'm so cursed with machinery and electronics today. Can die or not. Just wanna rant. The end. Grrr. Hopefully it's a good excuse to be off-report for the next few days. kakaka!

It's AWESOME to be back at work!

2011-09-05T13:58:00.003+08:00

OMG after a long week of break (read: classes and nothing-to-do-ness and always family gathering which is great like CNY!) I'm back at work! So psyched! So psyched! So psyched!!

The kids are here, but gosh have they grown so much! The kids are speaking so much, and that's only in a different of one freaking week! It's amazing how they grow! Some are down with cough and flu, but I'm back with more class management strategies and energy! Yay! I love coming back to work!

Give me a day off and I'll rest. Give me a month off and I'll go Korea. But give me a week's off and I'll drive myself insane of not knowing what better to do. Argh, just so glad to be back at the battery charger class.

Satisfaction

2011-09-03T19:01:00.004+08:00

I asked the piano teacher, what satisfaction she gets from doing her job. She's been teaching piano for 15 years now, so I asked her what kept her going. She told me lots, from flexible time, easy, this and that, to earning more money than peers.

But I didn't hear her saying she's happy because of her children, because they learned and are a better person because of her. Her satisfaction came from within, but only within.

I'm not saying she's bad, but many do it for the money and for the wrong reasons. A clerk may be typing all day long in the office not knowing what the document is for and where it will take her, versus one who works for meaning, knowing that her little actions and completion of work tasks makes a difference in the company and even the world, in the slightest way. That makes a difference.

When we hung out in a gang, friends whine about their bosses and their colleagues, they whine about their customers and their suppliers, they think of quitting but are driven by the handsome pay they get. When I tell little jokes that I have in school, I feel small and insignificant and unimportant. But then I gave it a good think. I realized when people have nasty stories to share about their work, I have fun stories to tell because I enjoy work that much, and it's always so fun to me.

To me, "going to work" means an entirely different thing to me than most people. I love going to work because I know when I do, I make a difference in one person's life, and it will bring a change to the world, no matter how slight, I am making a change.

Work

2011-09-01T23:26:00.003+08:00

I loved what she said. Though it made me guiltier for being ashamed of my profession later on in the day, but I felt that at least someone understood what I meant the good job is.

She said "It's getting paid to play." and she said, "they (preschool teachers) are the only people in the world who are happy to go to work."

I'm loving the job, and still learning to cope with all the stereotypes that comes with it. I understand that people stereotype (correctly and incorrectly) all occupations. But nyeh. It'll take some time getting used to, especially the incorrect ones.

Making Friends

2011-08-31T12:12:00.002+08:00

Some people are naturally inclined to make friends naturally. They get to know people in the easiest way, people come to them and want to be their friends, and stuff as you know it.
Some people just aren't. They don't know how to approach people, people don't tend to be motivated to know them, and stuff you know it. I'm sure you've seen people whom you like at the first glance and feel that you can be friends, and people whom you've seen and had enough after the first few seconds with. But that's just the way to life isn't it.

Unfortunately I'm the later type. I don't make friends a lot, people don't perceive me as approachable. Half of the time I'm not motivated to know new people, while the other half I'm either thinking on how to start a conversation, appear interesting to be friends with or just fight within myself.

Sometimes if not most, I feel sorry for myself. Part of me is fine being alone, but there's the social part of me which longs to make new friends and learn to network, but is never satisfied. The lonesome part of me doesn't understand why the other part of me wants to make friends when I can be perfectly fine by myself. So that explains the 'fight within myself' thingy. I spend a lot of time trying to debate within myself if I need to get to know new people or not. Therefore, perhaps, for most of the time appears to be wandering off not in the situation.

Though I'm happy, I feel sorry for myself.

KJ

2011-08-31T08:59:00.003+08:00

Missed him on Sunday. Dreamed of him in my Tuesday dream.
Got to know he looked for me on Monday cuz I went missing in action. =)
Glad to know I'm missed too.
One week without him is going to be relaxed and laid back, but can't wait to see and cuddle him and go crazy again!
And the same goes to all the PG1 kiddos in my class! It's a long holiday and I'm already missing you guys!

Early Childhood Music

2011-08-28T17:36:00.003+08:00

Started the first day of the music course. It's interesting, the whole program designed for young children from birth to age 6 and up is so powerful and impactful, if any child would to follow through the program, s/he will be sure to benefit for his/her whole life either in music or any other domains.

Unfortunately the trainer was an old lady who was a my-way person. Everything is wrong except if we follow her EXACTLY. I mean, WTH, she would interrupt everyone's "introduce yourself" session and talk about herself and what she knows and cut off people; everything is wrong if we don't follow what she would say word by word; she can't sing exactly to pitch but she requires us (newbies) to sing to pitch in half a minute. Gosh. Can't stand her.

Just very glad that the program is very well designed and beneficial to all who attends.

Pain in the Ear

2011-08-26T14:43:00.002+08:00

It's been the 3rd day now. Piercing pain in the ear when I bow down/ bend over lower than my waist. Finally went to the doctor, well, I actually sent the roomie to the doc for she's sick so I just 'tumpang'. =)

Turned out my medical fees are more expensive than hers. WTH. The doc said everything's fine except for the abnormal bulky eardrum. She meant it's popping out. Might be mild infection, don't let bath water get in blah blah blah. Got some pills. And an Medical Certificate and I told her I didn't need.... Hmm. Maybe I should get the half day off and go back to laze about. =)

Karaoke

2011-08-25T19:48:00.002+08:00

Last night we went karaoke. 3 girls, 5 hours, lots of food and drinks, non-stop singing.
at 10+ we were so tired and sore in the throat we were lying down on the long long couch like it's our home. I even brought my blanket. =)

So much so much fun.

Belalang

2011-08-24T13:57:00.002+08:00

This week's theme is on insects. And today they found a giant grasshopper in the playground slide. Great. Teacher G caught it and kept it in the turtle's cage. The turtle is dead btw.

So for class today we learned about belalang. Strong legs, jumps high and far, 6 legs, 2 eyes, etc. Then suddenly the sleepy belalang hopped! But it bang on the cage for it's too small! *thump! thump! thump!* I screamed like crazy in fright!

The children were not afraid at first, but after my scream, they decided it might be scary. Gosh. Saddest teacher eveerrrr

Driver

2011-08-23T21:58:00.003+08:00

Everyday the parents would park their cars and walk to the gate to fetch their child.
But for Kaylin (4), for most times for the past 4-5 months she's been here, it's her brother(8) who gets down the car to bring her to the car while the mother makes a U-turn.

One fine day, the brother got off the car and walked to the gate. The sister saw and ran to get her stuff (bag, bottle). While waiting, the brother had a very interesting 'conversation' with the other kids in the school, just checking him out.

3 year old Ethan asked the brother, with utmost sincere,
"你是 driver 吗？" (Are you the driver?)

Job

2011-08-23T21:56:00.002+08:00

Sometimes the response people give me is really hurtful. Perhaps they don't mean bad, but it makes me feel that they're looking down on such a significant job in the world. Though I always smile it off and be happy that they don't know better and be glad that I'm having a great job and they're suffering by the day, sometimes it does affect me a little.

A high school mate,
"WIth the psych degree can't be counselor?"
"Not really, need to od masters."
"So with the degree can only do this kind of job?"

A girl 2 years younger than I am,
"So what are you doing?"
"I'm a preschool teacher."
"Oh, good good. Easier, not stressful lah."

Hello, what kind of job? Easy? Come do it yourself! I mean, the way it's said really frustrates me. Urgh I don't even know what to say now.

Mine and Yours

2011-08-23T21:47:00.002+08:00

These days in the car with the 2 and a half year old KJ,
He would point out cars of the people he knows.

"Da Yee car! Da Yee car!"
"Teacher Kakus car ober there!"
"Teacher Angaa car! It went away~"
"Ooh, here comes car here comes car! Aaah!!!!"

For the past 1-2 weeks he's been noticing my car.
"Teacher KC car! Teacher KC car ober there!"

But then he learned the words "mine" and ownership. He would add 's to his name when it's his thing or he wants his turn. "Yohan's!" he would say.

One day he started, and it has then ever since be the same conversation for a few days now... Whenever he sees my car (same model same color) he'll go:
"Look! My car!"
I'd then reply, "Your car?"
"Yeah, your car!"
I'd say, "Yeah it's my car."
"My car."

Injury

2011-08-22T18:31:00.002+08:00

"Trying not to be dramatic... but I ran into the car/ the car ran into me this morning, my foot is swelling. Preschools are dangerous places to work at." That's my Facebook status for the moment. Totally dramatic! LOL

Anyways. It happened this morning when I picked up KJ to go to the toilet to wash up, when I started to walk a car came and ran over my foot right into my leg. (You can imagine the leg's a lamp post and the foot is the pavement)

Instantly it felt so painful, I put the kid down and complained in pain. The driver was feeling super guilty, and so was the passenger. I assured them that it's not their fault for I wasn't really looking (cuz they ngam-ngam was under the kid I was carrying), but they felt sorry anyways. *Aww*

Anyways I sat and whined for quite a while and decided to move on. Later on the afternoon when I tried to sit crossing my legs it hurt like a bad bruise. I told the LaoPanNiang that I'm going off for a leave tomorrow to amputate. The colleagues suggested to rub it with medicine, Miss Boss even suggested to boil an egg to rub it. *roll eyes*

Anyways it swell more obviously later in the evening, and it's still evening now at almost 7pm. It's hurting more as I walk. Grrrrr. I told Miss Boss I'm going to the hospital for the surgery tomorrow, can come visit me on Wed. =) I'm gonna take sick leave until the end of the week and gonna ask for medical compensation from the kids!

some days i just feel like kidnapping the cutie pies back home for a couple of days and pretend they're mine...

2011-08-22T14:02:00.002+08:00

Chowrasta Market Second Hand bookstores

2011-08-20T20:05:00.002+08:00

I'm supposed to, but not ashamed to admit that I went to the infamous Chowrasta Market today. It's around Komtar area sort of, in town. It's supposed to be very famous, so you should be able to ask a few locals/tourists to get your way there.

Anyways, there are ~~some~~ a lot of second hand bookstores upstairs, deeper in than the clothing stores. There were thousands of millions of books, magazine and books! Old, new, children, entertainment, classics, fictions, from Dan Brown's Lost Symbols to JK Rowling's Harry Potter Series, to Shopaholics, to children's books, to old old super classics to STPM books to Organizational behavior and Physics and Bio to foreign languages dictionaries! My gosh, mind blown. I've never seen so many books at a place ever, ever.

Some books are cheap, from RM2-3 to more expensive. There are brand new books, old books, ancient books, used books, you name it. I saw 3 versions of Harry Potter! Awesome cool!

I know this is most probably unrelated, but mum is now talking on the phone and my cousin is having twins!!! OMG! Excited so muchie!

Back to the topic, wow, really a book heaven. Smelling all the book dusts and all, if I have money and determination to read and of course room to store, I would go crazy. All the books I've wanted to read at a much lower price. =D

Another un-random thoughts sorting post

2011-08-17T12:54:00.002+08:00

My piano teacher asked me if I wanted to become a music teacher. 초음엔 흔들렸어.

I know I don't like teaching piano, never did, most probably never will, for I never liked it in the first place, but then. I like the idea of Musikgarten. Teaching babies and toddlers sounds lots of fun, with the activities and stuff. But to teach well means to continuously update myself with more advanced skills which leads to teaching the other children in their higher ABRSM levels too. Gah.

The teacher wishes me to quit the job and go flexi hours, get more days off a year, less hours more pay, decide what day I want to go off and all, which used to be and should still be my dream job. But I love the job. I love seeing the children grow each day and knowing I have contributed more or less to their joyful childhood.

Perhaps I have met my dream job, although it means it's a 'boring' 9 to 6pm, no holidays, need to clean lots of poop urine saliva puke and food remains. But I enjoy everyday of it with the children and their parents even though some days I feel I have so much to do even working after working hours is not enough.

The teacher, the mother, the roomie and the sister told me to think of what I want to do. I think I have found the answer. =) 돈이 좋고 중요하지만 지금의 나에게 이젠 매일 매일 느끼는 행복함을 더 소중해. 이개 바로 내 결정이다.

생각해 보니까 이 몇 게 월엔 너무 많이 좋은 기희를 만났다. au pair, Musikgarten, water filter 팔기, Letterland, 또 또... 한 두게밖에 씩씩하게 받았어도 많이 못 잡아구만...

Birth

2011-08-15T22:07:00.001+08:00

Remember my 'son' from 2 posts back? Well, the mummy gave birth to a sister today, and I was one of the first to know.

I was so glad so happy, like I was part of the family. =) I know I'm crazy but boo, no harm feeling happy for other people right.

Decisions. Where do I go from here.

2011-08-15T21:10:00.002+08:00

Teacher just called. Asked if I wanna teach piano. Grr. For a moment I was like so confused... I would like to do it, for the fun of it, to revise and be near piano and the notes again and whatever not. But I dare not commit. For teaching piano is not a month or two's matter, it's years. Years.

Ever since I started working here, I am happy and busy going through day by day, week by week, term by term. I've never thought again about my life goals and yearly plans. I used to have plans, 2 years working, 2 years au pair, 2 years master, you name it. But ever since I started working, all that doesn't seem that must-do anymore. I'm happy as I am now. I don't mind being with the children like this for a long long time, I wouldn't bother to start my own school or what not.

But then it hit me, I should at least make up a plan or something. I haven't been really thinking for a while now. Now that I'm required to make a decision I panic. I struggled, literally and mentally. I can't see myself in 5 years, I can't even see myself in 1 year. I wanna keep on doing this for I've known it well it's safe, but there are other things I want to try out as well, at the same time I don't wanna commit to things I cannot do for a long period of time and in the end negatively affect people whom I've worked with. Sigh. I know this is most probably too much and too serious, but I've always thought big and meaningful. I wanna do for the interest of it and the meaning of it. Not for the money and not to not benefit anyone.

This is supposed to be a mind-clearing post to sort out the many jumbled up thoughts, but nyeh, it's not really helping me that much. We'll see tomorrow night.

Khays' Saliva

Pass out

Sleep deprived

iPhone

Little thoughts

Grandad

不好意思 纯粹有感而发

iPhone

=S

Spring Cleaning Memo

Spring Cleaning

할아버지

Part

Shine

영기

Work & People

Masters

那些年，我们一起追的女孩

Thanks

Trust

Names

Options

So long

Places and People

relationship

Yellow

우린...

so.

Erm

Hair

princess

Shhh

Attitude

Story

Menstrual

The curse is happenING

Work Injury

Camp

三分钟先生

Weird, but so crazy true

You and Me

Msg

Like

Selamat Pagi Terima Kasih

water please

Successful. Define.

grr

Miss out

Bits

Dream

Farming

Nothing beats a fresh yummy ice cold kopi-peng to kickstart a wonderful sunday morning

Words

听说

If

Voice (2)

Voice

Pain~

Medical Cert

Tonsils

USM Students Most Wanted concert

My So-called love

The kid

狮子座的缺点

So lazy

KL

midnight randomness

Elmo

The Joker

Had enough

Little thoughts

Depression

Hey!

Yet another inferiority complex post

Random notes

down

Party

Kids and Pegs

Skinny

Shopping

不好意思纯粹有感而发