Grandad

So ah-kong passed away. Though it's like oh-so-finally, it did come somewhat suddenly. There were 'signs' of him going, like how he was not eating for a few days, suddenly talking a lot and smiling from ear to ear, trying to get off the bed, etc, but he never really did die after the many 'signs' across the weeks.

But he did pass away, last Wednesday. A grand but simple funeral was held in his house. All of his children and grandchildren were there, except for the 2 Americans. It was good timing though, for his daughter just flew back from the states, and his 2 granddaughters are on winter/summer break from the states/ aussie, and my brother has not left to the states yet.

Many things happened and did not happen. Uncle (1st child) wanted the Buddhism ceremony while grandpa actually wanted the traditional Taoist way. In the end we had both, which was really confusing and tight-schedule. We were chanting Buddhism prayers and folding the Taoist joss papers all day long. There were some superstitious rules, which we all secretly disobeyed, like not crying, speaking softly and not laughing, not washing the hair with shampoo, not leaving the funeral place until the last day, this and that.

There were some friction between one party and another, but all ended well. Many people came, from grandpa's children and grandchildren, to his brothers and sisters and their children, to his wife's family and children and grandchildren. It was a very touching scene that people who we've never seen before who are distant distant relatives taking the time off to come to join the many days ceremony.

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We were told not to cry. I suppose the Chinese believe that the soul is still lingering around its body after death, and if the family cries the 'person' would be sad to leave to would just 'fly' into some random living creature it sees, be it rat or cockroach etc, which is not good.

So we were told not to cry. We tried not to. I didn't. I mean, we were all prepared for it for weeks when grandpa became very weak and turned immobile.

I heard, that when grandpa's sister first came she cried. She went to weep in the kitchen, when my uncle told her not to cry. That's when she said the coolest thing ever. She asked my uncle if it's possible not to cry over the death of her brother. She asked if it's something she can control and stop.

It's like "wham", damn you stupid rules and superstitious illogical thinking. She's my greataunt who is rather aged, but she is so freaking right! I don't understand the 'younger' people who insisted on some stupid mindless 'traditions' that made everyone even more uncomfortable.